The Everyday Cafe

It's like some kind of comedy routine...

2011-12-01T22:20:00.000-08:00

Fate/Extra (PSP)
Released November 1, 2011 (US); July 22, 2010 (JP). Developed by Type-Moon/Image Epoch; published by Axsys/Marvelous Entertainment
Genre: JRPG

The most recent (in the US) entry in the expansive and pretty insane Fate/stay night saga, Fate/Extra is a weird, but relatively cool, JRPG that finally got a release in the states about a year and a half after its Japanese release. I got very heavily into F/sn thanks to some of my friends; I do mean these thanks in a genuine way, because it has been rewarding, even if it has had as many "Are you kidding me?" moments as many other series, like Parasite Eve or Persona (the series I find it resembles most closely). So perhaps it would be a good idea to get into the framing devices, the storylines, etc.; be warned that there will be some spoilers ahead for the entire series.

So, basically, there's this thing called the Holy Grail. When you think of that, you probably think of the golden cup similar to that seen in the Monty Python film, or perhaps the Holy Chalice.In this case, as I'm led to understand, it's something more intangible. Wars are fought over it, but not in the traditional "millions get in their sunday best and grab rifles and blast each other's heads off" -- no. It's more like a tournament, at least in this game. Each participant has a Servant, which is basically a living weapon, a humanoid character based off of a historical or mythological figure, which gives them the form of their Servant and its class (of seven: Saber, Archer, Caster, Rider, Lancer, Assassin, or Berserker, as well as a few obscure other classes). Of course, it does kind of fall on its face in some instances.

I outright refuse to believe that this is actually based on Sir Francis Drake.

So, that's the basic premise. You start as a nameless male character with no memories. After a few days of exploring the campus, you are drawn into a strange, digitalized world, which somewhat resembles your school, and into an Arena. You begin to get plot, but you die before you get it all! Thankfully, you're reborn; you're able to choose your character's gender and name this time. This is the character you will always play. Before you do this, of course, you have to choose a Servant. After all, you've been drafted into the Holy Grail War, so you're going to need some way to fight. Squishies like you would be turned into a series of cave paintings or The Binding of Isaac screencaps if you fucked around with the supers unprotected, naturally.

So, which would you trust? (Left to right: Archer (probably the F/sn Archer), Caster (Tamamo-no-Mae), Saber (Roman Emperor Nero))

So, in short, yeah, it's kind of a huge clusterfuck. MOVING ON!

Storyline development: Expansive and modestly engrossing

The storyline I showed above is not much of the story at all, which is absolutely huge and quite daunting. Thankfully, you don't need to know all that much of it to play the game. But it doesn't hurt to be aware of the hacking, the terrorism, the cannibalism, the living dead... Okay, so beyond the fact that there's way too much to take in, one of the reasons why I just couldn't fall head-over-heels for the storyline like I think I was meant to is that it often just seems like a massive torrent of dark things. Kind of like The Binding of Isaac, but with a bit more building-up and depth behind it, on some level. Though, that may just be me. The storyline is not perfectly immersive, but then again, I also feel like I knew some of the characters, especially Shinji (who honestly is like 99% of the males I've gamed with online and offline). Remember, I felt pretty damn close to BioShock.

Gameplay: "A minute to learn, a lifetime to master"

The package called Fate/Extra's battle system "intuitive."

That's an awfully strong word, and not completely without merit, but perhaps not the right descriptor someone who isn't on a company's pay roll is looking for. The battle system is... unique, I guess. Basically, turns are carried out simultaneously between you and the opponent (you only ever face one opponent at a time). You enter a series of six commands from among the three basic commands you have available: Attack, Guard and Break. Sometimes you're also able to use special abilities. Attack moves faster than Break and disrupts it, Break shatters Guard, and Guard blocks attacks while giving you the momentum you need to make a quick counter. If either side gets 3 successful hits in a row, they get an extra attack that can't be prevented.

So, here's what the "elaborate Rock-Paper-Scissors" screen looks like.

In some cases you'll be unable to predict any of the enemy's attacks save by trial and error. However, if you gather enough information on an enemy Servant or fight a generic enemy enough times, you'll be able to predict more and more actions, though more than three predictions can be rare. These patterns can, of course, be rote learned. In a way, the battle system reminds me of latter-day Persona games, in that it's a strategy-heavy battle system, as much as a battle system based on "Attack its weak point for MASSIVE DAMAGE! or get fucked up the ass" is strategy-heavy. This system is where much of the early struggle comes from. It can be hard to get the attack rhythms down without large amounts of enemy data. I have a few beefs with this system, though, since it's screwed me a few times, and pretty hard at that. See below.

The game's level-up system is very nice, in a way. When you level up, your Servant may gain some stats, but for the most part you have to assign other stat points yourself. This is similar to Persona 2 and, if I recall correctly, the Diablo games, allowing you to build your character as you see fit. Just be smart about it; each Servant has some innate characteristics that make him or her (usually her) either good or bad at something specific.

Graphics: Solid as the PSP goes, I'd say

Basically, just look at the screenshot above. This game suffers a bit because of the PSP's screen size, rendering some of the models a little pixelated, but overall, pretty good-looking, about par for course for PS2 titles, at least. Though, my memory of PS2 RPGs is a little foggy at the moment; I remember the PS2 best for the Ratchet and Clank saga, which definitely looked a bit sharper than this. The graphics remind me of Phantasy Star Online, at least in its Blue Burst incarnation, in terms of quality, but a little better.

Music and sound: Better than Eversion's, at least

I decided to start listening to games' music again around the time when I got Persona 2 Portable. It rewarded me a fair amount over time. This game's soundtrack, composed by Shinji Hosoe, is mostly very reserved with relatively quiet instrumentation, mostly saxophone, percussion and keyboard. It has a very calming feeling to it but does, somehow, manage to avoid being boring, although, at times, only just. It's not hugely fun or anything and suffers a serious lack of energy, but I guess it's questionable as to whether or not you think those are flaws. I'd been listening to A Dramatic Turn of Events a lot when I got the game, so take that as you will. That would definitely not be appropriate for this game. Though maybe rearrangements into this style...

Difficulty curve: Looks way more intimidating than it actually is

Don't get me wrong; Fate/Extra is actually a bit tough. Most of that is due to the combat system, though. The combat system ties you up a little here and there, but if you keep building up your character and beating the "target level" the game gives you for each week, you should do basically fine. Sometimes, stats like HP values of bosses, can intimidate, but by doing things correctly and taking notes, it becomes easier and easier as time goes by. Again, like Phantasy Star Online. HP ratings, especially of bosses, were intimidating, especially since your HP was only about a few K max and your weapons probably did no more than 1000 damage, maybe hitting a few sections, fewer if you used firearms. But, if you worked the system (in that case by moving around a lot and modding your equipment to optimize certain stats), you could defeat anything if you tried, and you always got better as you went, especially if you took notes, mental or otherwise. It's always on you, though, to make the game easier for you.

Like the games I've been comparing this to a lot, level grinding can become a chore readily. The experience needs rise quickly, and like in later Persona games, EXP rewards drop. I can understand wanting an anti-grinding method in place, but let's not go overboard here.

But how is it as a member of its genre?

Well, first of all, the fanservice, despite being great in quantity, is somewhat tempered; there's no Vanessa or Harpie Lady Sisters to tip the sca

Oh, right, this is an RPG first and foremost! Right, right, I totally remember that now...

Hm. I guess it's pretty good for the genre? As I think I mentioned before, the battle system is fairly unique, which is great news. The game is rather fun to play with a relatively strong story (I mean, by the standards of the genre) told relatively well (relative, again, to some other entries in the series), which is one of the major parts of the genre. However, it can be intimidating and
unapproachable (except, or perhaps especially, the character designs) at times, with its battle system making it possible for you to outright fail an attack and get killed pretty easily if you don't know what you're doing. Of course there should be some challenge involved with RPG combat, but that is a little excessive. At least in a game like Persona, you can prepare yourself for when you fail to damage an opponent or even outright get damage sent back at you. The strategy-heavy system is cool, yes, and one of the main reasons why I advocate grabbing it, but it does mean that combat often looks to be a very excruciating process. A game that's meant to be hard shouldn't be so hard that I want to give up; rather, it should be just hard enough to make me fail but still encourage me to keep hammering back, like the tougher sections of Crash Bandicoot: Warped. Though this game is really not the Kaizo Mario World of RPGs, the difficulty is perhaps unnecessarily heavy. That aside... the plot is, as I mentioned before, pretty much ridiculous, but isn't that par for course for the genre?

The "magic as programs" thing is an interesting spin, but hasn't it been done already with the MegaMan Battle Network series, in a way? It's not quite the same, no, but in that game, Mega Man used his special attacks (spells, in a way -- that or alternate weapons) though "Battle Chips," special attachments kind of like a fusion of console memory cards and cards for electronic card readers, which transmitted program data to Mega Man to allow him to perform a special attack. So, not so unique. An interesting idea, I guess, but it's been done before (and what I'd call "in the same genre," too!), albeit a bit differently.

Of course, originality isn't all there is to a game, but it is pretty important nowadays. Though, I guess, if people ate up Persona 4 after Persona 3...

The verdict?

3.5/5

Not as engrossing as advertised, but that is a monumentally tall order, anyway. I should note that there is a special edition that exists, which retailed for $40 (versus $30 for the "plain" version) on release. It comes with a soundtrack and a small number of pictures, mostly of this game's playable Saber, some a little on the fanservice-intensive side. My copy of the artbook/soundtrack hardback was a bit misshapen, so it's not the greatest. But spring for it if you want the artwork and soundtrack! It's not going to bring my grade down.

Cover image, screenshot, three-servant artwork found on Wikipedia. Rider/Francis Drake artwork found on Type-Moon Wiki. Vanessa image found on someone's Photobucket account. Harpie Lady Sisters image found on Yu-Gi-Oh Wiki.

PRESS EVERSE BUTTON TO LEARN HOW TO USE A SPELL CHECK!

2011-11-30T12:38:00.001-08:00

Eversion (PC)
Released December 29, 2008 by Zaratustra Productions
Genre: Platformer, horror (sorta)

If you believe everything the Internet tells you, as statistics posted on the Internet indicate that about 107% of Americans do and "There are other countries?"% of people from other countries do, it's pretty likely that you know Eversion inside and out without ever having played a second of it, and you probably have been led to believe that it's the best, most Lovecraftian, most terrifying-despite-looking-like-it-was-made-for-children game out there, particularly in the platforming genre.

Well, not quite, but you're on the right track, I guess.

Facts about Eversion: Eversion is a horror-ish platformer for the PC released in late 2008 made by a fella named Guilherme S. Tows (according to the Steam application) for a company named Zaratustra Productions (according to Zaratustra's web site). It's a fun game sure to give you hours of enjoyment, at least going one way. The game was inspired by a quotation, at least, by Lovecraft, which, I guess, is more than most folks know of the man's work, which probably extends no farther than throwing the word "Cthulhu" around as a name describing a particular class of squid-faced horror (think "Mindflayer appearance, Godzilla stature"). In that respect, I have to give the creators credit. It makes a game that's actually pretty cool to watch and read about, and not because it becomes surprisingly gory for something with such a cutesy outward appearance. It is actually a legitimately cool concept! Once. It's kind of like how "Persona 4.5" would probably be ever-lovin' terrible. Not to make predictions about the new updated rerelease of that game.

Basically, the game plays like an old-timey eight-bit platformer. You play a flower-like creature in a cheery, colorful world and you have to collect gems and save a princess. At times, though, your progress will be impeded. To get ahead, you'll have to "evert" (or "everse," according to the incorrect original version) to a different layer. Doing this will modify what you can and can't go through, how you interact with blocks, and what can hurt you. The game uses two world numbers, then, to tell which of the eight layers you're on and what level you are in.

The dual level number in action. Left is before everting, right is after.

Soon enough, though, things start to get... weird. Which is quite appropriate, because "to evert" means to turn something inside-out. The cheerful world was just a lie and eventually you can see strings holding up the clouds, the hills growing hellish mouths, etc. Basically, unsettling things rather than outright horror. Though, I've played a fair few horror games, so maybe I'm just numb to shit like that. At least the scares aren't cheap, mostly. You get a few new traps over time, too, like giant hands that make Sonic Screwdriver noises and walls of shoddy, monochrome special effects.

I don't even want to know what's going on here.

At the end, you, the flowery protagonist, save the princess. Except not. In every ending, you fail, in some way, to save the princess. Yeah, that's it. It's not that hopeless, though.

Now, to the more subjective parts:

Storyline Development: Miniscule

This is the story: You're a flower. You have a princess to save. The world gets creepier and creepier as you go. The spoilers could fit in that much space. You aren't playing this for it's gripping, Pulitzer Prize-ready storyline.

Gameplay: Very solid

The controls are simple but effective: arrow keys move you and let you jump, space bar everts. Very easy, and the controls are basically more than responsive enough that, if something goes awry in your character's movement, it's probably your fault. I do have a few errors with hit detection in some cases; for instance, at the end-of-level flag, it is possible to jump over it entirely and not clear a level until you go back and actually touch it. Usually, this is not a problem, but in the "wall of black stuff level" which I screencapped above, and a similar level later, you can get killed if you're slow enough. This is possibly not a legitimate error, but it is still very irritating. It can also be hard to get through thin gaps in floors and ceilings, often slowing down your progress, as in the second "wall o' shit" level. It's artificial difficulty, really.

Music and sound: Excruciatingly acceptable!

Make no mistake: I don't really like most 8-bit music, and I certainly will not give bonus points to someone for making an 8-bit tune when something that doesn't sound like Mr. Game and Watch threw up a game of NetHack on a Game Boy Pocket would not only have been quite possible to make, but would have sounded better. Thankfully, though, at least in the Steam version, Eversion's music, composed by Matthew Steele and Miroslav Malesevic, includes some legitimate instrumentation in between its beeps and boops. I can't fault the music for usually at least trying to create a disturbing atmosphere. As for the sound effects, they're not too bad, but aren't very memorable. The sounds associated with the hands are a bit worthy of mention, though -- they're a bit on the unsettling side the first time, but later just become comical.

Graphics: I'll give them these

Though the Steam version boasts enhanced graphics with, in my opinion, way better backgrounds, it changes the effect the old graphics had of a cutesy, 8-bit, 2D platformer with horrifying secrets. The newer foreground graphics are alright, but a lot of them just feel like someone chucked them together with MS paint and added a little shading later. You could do worse, especially for something that looks unambitious, but it just doesn't feel the same. Also, the wall traps and the blood explosions are monochrome and use very intense colors, too -- they look extremely out of place with everything else. But it looks decent, for a game of its type.

Difficulty curve: Decently fair

While the game is pretty tough sometimes, it's generally very fair and increases its difficulty at a perfectly reasonable rate, particularly if you just take your brain out of the dusty old box you keep it in when you're not using it. The last level, though, can be balls hard, and the level before it requires a good bit of memorizing. So, it can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but it's nothing you can't handle, probably.

But how is it as a member of its genre?

As far as platforming games go, Eversion is a fun, relatively rewarding experience that doesn't bring anything new to the table, and probably wouldn't if it even could, but at least tries to put a unique spin on the old, venerable genre. A nice thing about this game is that the two "fixed scrolling" segments in this game really aren't, and considering how slowly they move, that's definitely very good. It would be nice to see that in other platformers, but since it's strictly horizontal in this case, I guess it's doubtful that that'll happen in the new Yoshi's Island anytime soon. So, that's out of the way, but what about the horror aspects? The game doesn't live up very well to the Lovecraftian horror hype to the extent that I'd prefer, but it can't be helped. The game does have it as an atmospheric element, but that pretty much seems to be all, unless that ending is supposed to remind of e.g. the film Dagon (hopefully this doesn't spoil anything, but I don't think most of my reader base has seen Dagon). The blood explosions that I mentioned earlier are so excessive and miscolored that it is perhaps a parody on the overuse of such blood-and-bleeding tropes in horror. The game doesn't remain scary for long after the first play, sadly, and the game does have a sequence of massively cheap shock scares in the start-of-level screens toward the end of the game. It's a cheap trick and it wouldn't endear me to the genre if this was my first horror themed game.

The verdict?

Steam/HD version: 3.5/5
Non-HD version: 3/5

I haven't had a chance to play the other games from the competition that spawned Eversion, like the white chamber, but they are on my list. I'll get to those later. As it stands, though, Eversion is a relatively solid title for an indie game that, to be frank, didn't live up to its intent. I can understand way too well why this is so beloved by folks on the internet, the same folks who love Persona 4 to death and read only Medaka Box.

Buy it on Steam! It's only $5.
For reference, my crappy Steam recommendation.

"Appalling" just isn't strong enough.

2011-11-27T22:46:00.000-08:00

Rammstein - Liebe ist fuer alle da

Release: October 16, 2009
Genre: Neue Deutche Härte
Label: Universal Records, Vagrant Records
Length: 46:07

Nick's Rating: 2/5

Earlier today, I was listening to Emerson, Lake & Palmer's Black Moon, wondering why "Paper Blood" from that album and "Knife Edge," its obvious ancestor, from their self-titled, didn't get covered by many bands. Then I found a cover of "Knife Edge" by a doom-metal band and learned why. The use of doom tones and death metal vocals killed the whole thing. Bands like Dream Theater seem like they could really make it come to life. Or maybe Lyriel. I'd suggest Nightwish, but no. Lyriel could probably handle that better. They do use legitimate stringed instruments and not Disney-inflected keyboards. I kind of thought about the idea of the song in the hands of Rammstein, then, who might be able to pull it off with a little more temperance in the vocals. You know things are bad when you think of Till Lindemann as the more tempered, refined, restrained, etc. voice of two voices.

So, uh, Liebe ist fuer alle da. Except for this album.

So, I guess I'll get right down to it. Two out of five is more than enough for this album. If this were a proportion of songs I like vs. songs I don't, that'd be a massive overestimate. Okay, not really massive, but you get the idea. This album sucks out loud (please wait to shoot me until after the review).

I think I'll tackle this in list form, since it'll be more fun that way. The appropriate place to start is with #1, which brings us straight to almost the end of the album.

My favorite song on this record is "Mehr" -- those playing the home game may recognize this as being German (no shit!) for "More." I dunno what the lyrics mean or have to do with anything, and don't really have it in me to look up what they say or what they mean. I think it's generally the arrangement and vocals on this song that make it enjoyable for me -- after having spend much of the album, and even my favorite songs, comparatively monotone, Till proves that he does actually have some vocal range in him! A tiny, insignificant amount of vocal range! Isn't it a cute little vocal range? As far as the rest, the song is drenched in keyboards, and very obvious keyboards at that, harking back to earlier albums a little, albeit not entirely (because, of course, that would be REGRESSIVE and that's not cool for a band like Rammstein -- I consider them "stealth prog," or I would had I not just made up that term right now). Is Till showing some emotion in the song's lyrics? Maybe he's just trolling us. Rammstein seem like the closest thing to a band of trolls in some time while (probably) not actually being one.

Really, it's the two (to my ears, which are pretty shoddy, I guess, probably from listening to this album too much in headphones -- it is mastered loud, which makes sense, but it's just painful) most-keyboard-heavy tracks are my favorites, because, while you can accuse the rhythms of "Haifisch" of being too poppy, it does have a sound that reminds me more of my childhood glimpses of Rammstein (which I may or may not have described in my review of Porcelain and the Tramps' quasi-real EP: English, if I recall correctly, and imported in the era of Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson), which is food enough as far as I'm concerned. "Haifisch" means "Shark" in German. The lyrics basically state, if I recall correctly (the chorus, anyway; the verses are just a bit odd and slightly posturing-focused), that even sharks cry, but nobody notices this because they live in the water (and I think that the rest says something about this being where the salt in the ocean comes from). Another fun note: those chorus lyrics are based on the lyrics to "The Ballad of Mack the Knife" from The Threepenny Opera! No, really! I think this makes Rammstein's lyrics more "Brechtian" than the Dresden Dolls', but I'm not much of a Brecht expert, so I don't know worth a crap. I should try explaining this to my mother, who once described "Du hast" as resembling "a wedding march for the Third Reich," but I'm not sure what she'd say. I would call this somewhat intelligent in its own way (with a fair bit of bullshit philosophy thrown in for good measure), even if it's not to the point of borrowing from writers/etc. like Ayn Rand. In fact, let's not have them do Rand; Rammstein honestly don't need more shit piled on them after the infamous "music to invade Poland to" jab and everything else.

So, on the rockier side, there's "Waidmanns Heil" and the title track to cover that. Despite how overly energetic and noisy the former is, it's actually one of the less noise-encrusted rockers on this album, which is pretty depressing. Just so we're clear, I'm okay with noise music sometimes. However, it doesn't fit in Rammstein's Œuvre very well, as in songs like "B********" -- which apparently means "Buckstabu," some made-up word by the band, which is the first step to turning into a shittier version of Magma.

To be fair, this may be an improvement.

But, anyway. The title track is more stropped-down and a lot less noisy, but still loud and, now that I think about it, also with a fair bit of keyboard to it and is just generally very catchy, something that every other song on here lacks, because most of that is buried in noise out the ass. Which is unfortunate, because most of them could probably be rearranged into something slightly decent if they weren't plagued by so much horrific crap.

I guess, besides those, there's only one notable track, that being called "Pussy." That should already bring up red flags. The song had a pornographic video released for it and featured perhaps easily the bands raunchiest, least subtle, and dumbest lyrics ever. Is this a parody or something? I was always led to believe that parody needed to be a little smart.

I guess "Ich tu dir weh" is a little important, too, but it's not a very good song. I like the single cover, though.

So, in the end, that's four decent songs, one that's a TRUE piece of shit, and six that are so shoddily produced that I can't tell if they're good. Even the four I like don't really stack up among Rammstein's best. But when that list includes songs like "Sonne," "Moskau," "Spring," "Der Meister," and "Spiel mit mir," how can they? In my very first review of this, never published, written aroung the time of the relieas,e I'd suggested, jokingly, that listeners invest instead of Love Is All Around, an LP by War recorded in the late 60s and featuring Eric Burdon on lead vocals. Now that I get a chance to really think about it, I was being completely serious then. By the way, at the time of the release it was somewhat common to compare the album to Mutter. That's complete bullshit. Even though Mutter took the longest time for me to get to like, I can absolutely recognize that album as great, and having a very different sound from, this abomination -- it has quality, where this... doesn't. To say the very least. What's worse is hwo this album seems to get really good reviews. This thing is almost more overrated than Skyrim!

Lastly, here's a picture of a singer whose band released a way better album in the same way that was, by an "amusing" coincidence, that band's worst album ever, too.

You could have spent the time reading this review listening to "The Glass Prison."

To be honest, it actually feels good to be wrong.

2011-09-01T18:49:00.001-07:00

King Crimson - The Power to Believe

Release: 2003
Genre: Progressive rock, things that kill Nick's faith in modern music
Label: Sanctuary Records
Length: 51:11

Nick's Rating: 3/5

I had a really shitty day today when I wrote this... so I ask in advance that you all please excuse me if I'm being more of a jackass than usual. But really, now. I'm a fan of King Crimson, too, and this album just makes me want to bash my head into a bank vault's door.

I am a big fan, by the way, of the reviews of George Starostin. In the old version of his site, he had separate little pages for every band whose music he reviewed. Each would have a series of some albums marked with headers like "Best album ever," or "Most underrated album." If he had it, surely The Power to Believe would get King Crimson's "Most overrated album" title. I don't get how this album can be called a massive slam dunk when The ConstruKction of Light gets shit upon relentlessly. They. Are. The. Same. Fucking. ALBUM! About the only difference is that Power is significantly more confident. Better quality, though? Not on your life.

Let me immediately sort out every unnecessary song from this album. "The Power to Believe I" is a throwaway, as is the "Facts of Life Intro" that is indexed as a separate track on what remains of my copy (I sold it back to the used shop I bought it from, just so you know, I was that fucking disappointed in it -- but I still have the MP3 rip because the album sports some nice tunes.). Worthless throwaway, too. "Power I" is pleasant enough, I guess, but it's not something you'll come back to. "Eyes Wide Open" fares much better... but I wouldn't notice it if it were gone. It's an attempt to milk the beauty of "Walking On Air" from THRAK for all it's worth.

Next on the chopping block: "Happy With What you Have to Be Happy With" -- fun, yes. Fun once. After that it's the musical equivalent of a child saying "Are we there yet?" every three seconds in the car. Is it a parody on nu-metal? It sure is awful enough for it. But, parody or not, this is way too repetitive for the Crim I know. Even then, why? What does this band need a nu-metal parody for? Is Robert Fripp that jealous that he doesn't get radio airplay that he needs to resort to smarmy quasi-fuck-the-man posturing? I guess there's a reasonable amount of power to it, but with the sound of the album, replete with near brickwalled masters and electronic drums, of course there's power. Everything has power (or at least faux-power), even "EleKtrik"'s flute opener.

"EleKtrik," by the way, is a good song. Saving grace of the album? Hell no. This eight minute instrumental juggernaut does not leap out and grab you, unless it's to drag you to the skip button. At least, the first few times. The reason for this is a mix of the Two Ps of why early-2000s Crim suck so much -- Production and Pat (Mastelotto, the lone drummer for King Crimson as of their ConstruKction-era reconstruKction). The production, like many modern albums, is such that you could commit a war crime with the contents of the disc. It's yet another hapless victim of the "loudness war," albeit not on level to fight with Vapor Trails or similar. However, it makes the already crappy-sounding electronic drums sound even crappier. Pat Mastelotto, credited with "drums, traps and buttons" played basically just these. I guess the traps and buttons are like vampires and bit the drums somewhere along the way, turning them into more crappy electronics to invade all of the songs that didn't already have non-electronic drums. I have nothing against electronic drums. I'm a big fan, for instance, of Kraftwerk, Rammstein, and Depeche Mode, all of whom use electronic drums extensively. The difference is, they make them sound good because they mesh with the band's sound. They don't mesh with King Crimson, though, so they sound hopelessly out of place and drag the album down.

"EleKtrik," though, is still a good song. It's very well-arranged, which is about all you need out of King Crimson. Well-performed? That goes without saying. Even on a bad day, King Crimson can outplay 99% of bands if all they had to play with were their big toes. "Facts of Life" is easily the best of the vocal songs, but the lyrics do tend to err on the dippy side. "Six billion ants / crawling on a plate / none of the them give back / as much as they take?" Ixnay on the Ooltay, guys. If I wanted crappy post-grunge quasi-punk teenager-friendly "social commentary," I'd listen to bands who actively specialize in it. Mostly facts, indeed, of life, though, so I can't knock them for possibly passing off bullshit as truth to the gullible. Someone said the arrangement is bluesy? My experience with the blues is a little limited, but if you put Pat Mastelotto into a box somewhere far away and let him not play electronic drums, I might give it to you (after you replace the drummer, that is. I hear Vinnie Colaiuta is busy recording an only half-decent album for Megadeth ca. this time. Sic 'em, boys!). Still a cool song despite the sheer sonic ugliness.

"Dangerous Curves," then. Interesting. A high-tension, electronic, dark instrumental with a great buildup. It doesn't go much of anywhere, but who cares anymore? The song is definitely good, and going nowhere seems to be customary for a lot of King Crimson extended dick-arounds. Is it my favorite song on this album? Uh, I'd rather you didn't ask that. That would require me to actually think about this more, and probably go find the used record shop where I sold the album and re-buy it again. It would probably still be there, too. Even if the store had been demolished two years ago. Look up at the cover art: would you want people to know you bought something that looked like that?

So, final count: Three good songs (all long), three pieces of pointless shit (all short), and a lot of middleground (longer). Even if this album were unequivocally bad in terms of arrangement and production, it's King Crimson. It's still pretty good. But it's not worthy of the praise piled onto it by some of the fanbase. It'd make an okay addition to one's CD collection and is an interesting curio. It's not worth the $16 that it's being sold for on the band's site. For a dollar more you can get the far superior Absent Lovers (a 2CD live album from 1984) and get your Fripp/Belew fix. And really, I think I'd be least distressed by the existence of a Steven Wilson-remastered version of this album.

I seem to have gotten off-track, but. Buy it used, I guess.

The worst part is that it took me three years to form a solid opinion on this.

2011-09-01T18:07:00.000-07:00

Metallica - Death Magnetic

Release: September 12, 2008
Genre: Thrash metal
Label: Warner Bros. Records
Length: 74:48

Nick's Rating: 3/5

It's hard to believe that this record is this good if all you do is listen to cranky metalheads who lament about selling out and just generally hate on Metallica for doing it so often, as if they're implying that popular music is bad. It doesn't surprise me that they believe this way, considering how they seem to make a contest of listening to the hardest-to-listen-to song. But why are we hating on Metallica for releasing a "throwback" record? You'd get more accomplished by giving Hosni Mubarak grief for stepping down as President of Egypt. Fans had been clamoring for a return to thrash for years!

Well, to say it's a complete return to thrash is bullshit. The album is far too heavily informed by alternative rock and, at times, nu-metal (gag! vomit!) to be a real return to the thrash of yore... but at the same time thrash fans pretend it has no worthwhile musical ideas. Nonsense! The album is actually not half bad, as far as the arrangements and performances go. Another thing entirely, though, is the production; this album sounds like a cat turd after being digested by a dog. It's really not all the fault of Rick Rubin, who finally produced a Metallica album after producing at least one album by every other band ever; by some reports, the tapes arrived to sound engineer Ted Jensen brickwalled already. Translation: recorded too loud. Sounds like shit and would have sounded like shit anyway without some serious work, the kind of thing that Rick Rubin doesn't seem capable of, going by the sheer dryness of his Red Hot Chili Peppers productions.

So, what are the good songs? "That Was Just Your Life," "All Nightmare Long," and "Cyanide" are the obvious ones. "That Was Just Your Life" is fast and strong, complete with slow-moving intro like the band's other album-opening thrash masterpieces, although it is significantly slower in pace than songs like "Battery" or even "Blackened." It still is pretty quick with nice riffs, and features lead singer James Hetfield singing fast. Maybe this is borrowing a little from nu-metal and trying to resemble rapping? Although it's not quite there... which is part of why I can look at this as not being complete ham. Sure, it is hammy, but it's sung by James Hetfield. Of course there's going to be some ham, especially post-...And Justice for All.

"All Nightmare Long," then, is quite similar arrangement, but much different in vocal style (much slower with the words actually being enunciated!) and with, in my opinion, more interesting riffs. Right at the beginning: bass. Heavy bass. So much for this being a successor to Justice. Either that or the Metallica guys have gotten older and more mellow with age and don't feel like fucking with Robert Trujillo, the band's new bassist. So, the intro excites me for pointless reasons, but it does introduce a very cool theme that doesn't get reused as much as it should in the song. The riffs in the vicinity of the chorus remind me of battle music or something -- pretty appropriate, then. The lyrics don't make sense, but this is Metallica, they don't need to make sense. They make the Beatles' "Savoy Truffle" look not-silly and about something resembling a weighty philosophical topic by comparison. I'm still wondering how "zombie apocalypse" became the theme for the video, then. Joke must be on us.

"Cyanide" is different. Cyanide is legitimately catchy, one of the shortest numbers on the record, based around actual hooks. It even feels like they were thinking about funk during initial writing (eventually probably just said "funk it," though). The lyrics are trite, though, unsurprisingly. I guess it has something to do with depression and being near suicide? Metallica aren't good with this subject. Shock, I know. You could get more interesting lyrics from a sleepng garbageman. But I'll take it over generic death-growl crap any day. Like I said, the riff is an excellent one. Probably comes alive in concerts nicely. I should note, though, that I really hated the song at the time of release, so tread lightly.

But what else is left? None of the rest is that interesting... but I can't say I hate any of it, save "The Judas Kiss." Did any ideas go into this song at all? Because, if so, I cannot find them. At all. At... all... Add to this that it drags on for eight minutes and is totally forgettable in every way, and you have good cause to be deeply disappointed in this gilded turd. I guess that "Suicide & Redemption" isn't too great, either, but in the end it qualifies, even if it drags on forever.

The rest? Average all over. "The Day That Never Comes," a "One" knockoff, would probably have been better had it not been run into the fucking ground by radio before the album's release. Not to mention, the guitar solo seems to really drag on. The lyrics are a tad lame, though. "Love is a our-letter word?" Very clever, Little Jimmy. This may be why people say your songwriting sucks.

"Day" is eight minutes long. There, we've found the main problem that's not the abominable production -- the length! Every song needs to have a few minutes cut off. We get it, Kirk Hammett is a good guitarist. But really, now, there is a limit. A good guitarist knows when he's broken it. Unless he's Kirk Hammett, apparently. The album is just too bloated to be called anything other than average-good. End of story.

Kill me now.

2011-08-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

Lyriel - Paranoid Circus

Release: 2010
April 1, 2011 (re-release)
Genre: Female-fronted folk/symphonic metal
Label: AFM Records (re-release)
Length:

Nick's Rating: 3.5/5

For those of you following my "project," consider the Cage the Elephant review a Monday post and this a Tuesday post.

So, for my second review this week... I chose this. Quite the departure from Cage the Elephant, huh? (And why not? They say variety is the spice of life.) Compared to that album's hard-edged alternative rock, Lyriel's Paranoid Circus is a series of metal songs that I... suppose are folk metal? That's what I'm told, anyway, but I don't know what that means. I guess it would be a struggle to turn "Electric Light Orchestra and a carnival's metal-ish third wheel" into a real genre name. But there you are. Lyriel, to me, share more in common with carny-rock acts like Vermillion Lies, Rasputina, or, God forbid, Emilie Autumn than they do with... Sol Invictus, or something. (Not like The Dresden Dolls, though, who are too Hot Topic-ready to really be carnies, if you get what I'm saying.)

Though, at the same time, what's in a genre or even an artist comparison? Someone posted a comment on the title track's video calling them out (I assume it was a call-out) for being like Nightwish. I don't see it. I guess if your band is metal and you have a lead singer with no Y chromosome and even think about string instruments that aren't guitar or bass, you're like Nightwish. (If you think about bass, though, you're a pussy for not mixing it out and making your music ear-ravaging.) Of course, this is stated with derision. Which is utter bullshit. I'm a bit cold toward Nightwish, too, okay? Let's not pretend they're my favorite band. But this comparison is like saying that the Rolling Stones are similar to Vanden Plas because both feature guitars, drums, bass, and a male lead singer. To be sure, Lyriel have a few things in common with Nightwish, but they are not close enough on the genre level to make this a legitimate comparison.

Speaking of the title track of the video and female-fronted "opera metal" (which is a plenty bullshit saying in the same way that saying that Liz Phair's music is meaningful or saying that Liz Phair's music is meaningless is a bullshit saying), I'm honestly surprised that the lesbian fanservice is rather... new to the genre's videos. How was this not thought of before? Was it so the bands could remain goth-friendly by depicting the world as, by and large, claustrophobic and loveless? Which is really what the video does. The sexuality is only minor and uncomfortable, not so much superbly erotic. Slightly sexual, yes, but only enough to briefly distract you from how discomfiting the thought of being captured by two strangers who live in your mirror (which is a severe paranoia-inducer) is. So, uh, it's pretty possible to have something like that, which seems like a natural fit for the genre, and still preserve the goth-friendliness of the music.

Which it has in spades, by the way, but in more of a way of borrowing from The Cure than neo-goth things. There are occasionally thunderous drums and electronically-treated sounds throughout; really, to me, the title track is the most natural song on the album... and definitely my favorite, and not even just for the video. To be fair, this isn't much of a dose of capsaicin compared to most things in the genre, and I guess that it's even pretty low on the Scoville compared to their other material, from what I've read? But I've never heard any of it to verify myself, so I guess skip that for now. There are no great revelations to be found in the music, sure, but this isn't Diablo Swing Orchestra or whoever. As ever, originality is at a premium, in a way. Better that they be unoriginal and unknown, I say.

But really, that is what stops me really caring about this record: the lack of any really original ideas. There isn't much to say about this record that you can't say about another one, and little that it says that another record doesn't say better. There is just not enough to comment on here; nothing stands out anywhere near enough save the title track to save it from being just slightly above average. There is, however, one thing that weighs it down: the beginning track. The first track of the album is an intro, featuring a spoken word welcoming the listener to the Paranoid Circus. Unfortunately, there is little to no need to have this stupid thing in there. So, why is it there? It's not like this is a concept album as far as I can tell, so it's just some kind of dippy joke that's not funny at all. They could have at least tried some kind of Emerson, Lake & Palmer thing. "Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends" could actually be less a goofy intro and more a legitimate threat in the hands of this outfit. I guess bonus points to the the man who narrates for also inserting a Hesse quote in the middle of the album.

But beyond that, so what? The songs are all decent, but not interesting enough to make the album anywhere near great. It's an interesting listen, yes. Many albums are. Could I recommend it? Sure. I'm just not sure I'd be any good at that. It's really kind of a strange album to look at... probably because enough people seem interested in tarring it with epithets like "Nightwish knockoff" because it has female vocals. Yeah, okay, I am sort of saying "the world is not quite ready for this." Well, at least not the metal world, which is still full enough of arrogant elitist scumbags that this will get flak for being something it's not.

How many times can I say "This sounded like a good idea at first..." anyway?

2011-08-28T21:06:00.000-07:00

Cage the Elephant - s/t

Release: June 23, 2008 (U.S.)
May 19, 2009 (U.K.)
Genre: Alternative Rock
Label: RED - An Artist Development Company (U.S.)
Relentless Records (U.K.)
Length: 37:53

Nick's Rating: 4/5

Sunday was the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards. I didn't know about this until just the day of (for reasons that should come as no surprise whatsoever). As such, I'll spend the entire week reviewing one album from the 21st Century a day. I decided to start with this one and will probably work my way down in quality as the week goes, which is a pretty accurate reflection of my usual moods; happy at the beginning of the week, full of rage by the end and ready to garrote myself with my own intestines in protest of oh who needs anything to fucking protest when you're that mad at the world that you'd actually come up with something that goddamned wrong. I considered ending the week with a review of Prince's 1999, a significant high water mark in popular music, which turned twenty-eight this year and remains as awesome as it always was... and would take the length of the week for a full-length review of the bloody thing to gel. Ooh-we sha-sha coo-coo yeah!

A quick note before we get anywhere: Americans are fucking insane. If you need more proof, head to the Mall of America and witness the existence of a Bettie Page-related store. That's all. The contents are significantly more "safe" and not really that much related to her, if I recall correctly, but her face and name is associated with the store. There you go. Over time, I've become convinced that some people (especially Americans) will spend money on anything. It's about the only accounting for Lady Gaga's extreme popularity. I have nothing against her as a person (and certainly not the kind of bile I reserve for politicians); she has some great ideas and can write some good songs, but she is by and large mediocre-at-best as far as the Trade goes, chained by the need to create popular music... something designed specifically to be sold. It's a narrow, narrow place that just feeds into American insanity.

Why am I going off on this tangent, when this is about Cage the Elephant's self-titled album? Well, the Bowling Green, Kentucky-based alt-rock band had become significantly popular in America, so I was significantly skeptical about the contents of this disc, but I was pleased to see that the American insanity occasionally produces positive results. Cage the Elephant's self-titled album is like the BioShock of alternative rock; a redemption for a hit-and-miss genre that has endured some serious mediocrity before and after its release. It's not elegant, of course -- savage music for the American neo-savage.

That starts right away from "In One Ear," which was my first exposure to CTE, via the song's first video, showing off lead singer Matthew Shultz acting in a particularly insane way as he sings the song's... truly boisterous lyrics. He lashes back at critics who would talk shit at him about his drug use (which I don't know about), his being "another Generation X-er [that] somehow slipped up through the cracks," et cetera. "I'm only playin' music 'cause you know I fuckin' love it," he sings, and he's definitely got the right idea, then. He suggests that a critic might say rock-and-roll is dead, but the music makes clear that this is a load of shit. The words aren't even needed, and sadly, they don't so much endear me to the band, but it's still a very nice song.

The intensity doesn't let up much throughout the album. Unfortunately, it's just not much fun to talk about the rest of it, but the songs "James Brown" and "Soil to the Sun" are both great, as is, really, the rest of the album. The intensity is reduced on two other popular songs, "Ain't No Rest for the Wicked" and "Back Against the Wall." The former seems to be the most popular song on this album, and why not? It's an entertaining song and not too harsh for the sanitized alternative rock radio airwaves. It's kind of lightweight, in my opinion, with a bit of a Southern sound to it, I guess. The lyrics are more entertaining to me, though, than those on most other songs on the album, while Shultz questions the lifestyles of prostitutes, robbers, and... what I suppose are meant to be televangelists? as they work to make a living. It's presented in a reasonably amusing way, which is just what CTE do: sing entertaining songs in the alternative rock genre. So, a definite success.

"Back Against the Wall," though? Yeah, that's good, too. It's a restrained hard-rock number, a bit different from "No Rest," but also a lot less fun. Give them points, though, for this song; it's absolutely not bad and has every right to be well-known. Good on you all. Boys, I respect what you're doing as I respect Emilie Autumn's attempts to be Rammstein-meets-Tori Amos -- which is to say, I respect it a great deal even when the results are bad (are they bad anywhere on this CD, though?).

The other songs, though, range merely from pretty good to average. The two that really stand out for me are "Tiny Little Robots" -- a strange but very energetic (and noisy!) song. "Lotus," meanwhile, has a very spiritual quality to it, as would be expected of something with that title. It's not at all a bad song, but the one thing that really bugs me about it after a while, is when the music stops when the singer sings the word "Stop." It's cute the first time, but entirely too played out by the second time, and he does it more times. Is that trip really necessary?

But hey! Even with every knuckleheaded detour and every boisterous critic-baiting exercise, and even the forgettable things, Cage the Elephant's first album is a stone-cold success which deserved to sell every single disc it has sold and ever will. Unfortunately, though, a whole genre can't be (re)built on the back of one band; more bands need to take after them to help the ailing genre. Hopefully this album will inspire a few more good bands to pick up their influences and muddle the mixture with some R.E.M./Nirvana/whatever sensibilities and start rescuing this genre from standing on the backs of the bruised and get ti on solid ground. It's a venerable genre that's produced its own fair share of brilliant moments.

I swear, fandom will kill music.

2011-06-21T00:35:00.000-07:00

If this title, and anything said in here, sounds really extreme and less-than-sane, please understand -- I am in an exceptionally bad mood right now. Over one of my favorite bands of all time, Queensryche.

But not for the reason you think. It is, though, related to their new album, Dedicated to Chaos. Again, not for the reason you think. By now, you've probably heard everyone pissing and shitting themselves over the fact that the album does not sound like the Queensryche of old. So, in short, here is my two-step advice for people who want to hear Rage for Order or Operation: Mindcrime again.

Listen to Rage for Order or Operation: Mindcrime.
Shut the fuck up and go the fuck away.

Very simple. Your opinions on what a band "should" be doing do not matter, and they never will. A band "should" be doing what they think is best. In this case, the songs on Dedicated to Chaos, which are very different from most everything they've done before. This is not Queensryche as we knew them in 1988. This is a good thing.

Queensryche are a progressive metal band. For those of you who don't know, "progressive" is a word meaning "favoring or promoting progress." In short, something that changes. Stagnation can work for some bands. For a progressive band like Queensryche, it absolutely cannot. Yet the "fans" continue to whine about how much the band has changed and how much they want the old sound back. It's natural. I love Rage for Order and Operation: Mindcrime too, because of what they were: whip-smart, technically accomplished, and not boring. The songs on Dedicated to Chaos are exactly this. So maybe the Rage for Order comparisons are pretty acceptable. "Progressive" metal has stagnated. The Dream Theater school is the big one now -- that or the Opeth school. Both bands have produced and continue to produce great albums, don't get me wrong. But they are not progressive anymore. Nor are they backward-looking enough to be called retro, revivalist, or any of those other words that signify a different kind of progress. Let's call it samsara. Endless death and rebirth. Even this is not stagnation. This is the angle Marillion took in the early 80s. This is an angle few bands are willing to truly take anymore. Even those that don't are usually in the alternative rock genre and they reinform themselves with grunge or Nine Inch Nails-class histrionics. Not quite what we're looking for, but a valiant effort.

Dedicated to Chaos could be the breath of fresh air that progressive metal needs, if people could get off their high horses about what genre X or band Y are "supposed" to sound like. But they won't. And they'll keep puking out whatever words come to mind about what they want, when it's right within reach, and it has been for twenty-five years. To be honest, this reminds me of Metallica's Death Magnetic. Fans who managed to cling to the band for all those years wanted a new album of thrash music after all of the "shit" on Metallica, Load, ReLoad, and St. Anger (many of which were subpar, but due not to the genre but the band themselves). When Death Magnetic finally came out, they were lambasted as has-been sell-outs trying to relive former, out-of-reach glories. What would happen to Queensryche if, say, they tried to record an album in the vein of Rage for Order without being updated for the modern world? They would probably be lambasted as has-been sell-outs trying to relive former, out-of-reach glories.

You can see what the problem here is. The fans don't want anything -- except the exact thing over and over again. In which case, do what I do and listen to the old albums over and over again. Listen to your copy of Rage for Order until it dies. I won't consider you a fan of the band if you're only in it for one album or two. Youre a fan of those albums. You mean well, but so does a preacher. Like preachers, some of you mean well but are doing something truly awful for that which you claim to speak for. Cut the crap. Accept that Queensryche as they are now are not Queensryche as they were in 1988, Queensryche were only that, at latest, until 1990. By then, the band woke up and realized that advancing was what they needed to do.

Before anyone says anything about how Chris DeGarmo would have made the album better, shut the fuck up and learn your 'Ryche history. Know what other albums DeGarmo played on? Hear in the Now Frontier and Tribe, both of which are regarded as polished turds or worse in the fandom. DeGarmo is not the nonexistent "problem" -- it's the stuck-up fans.

Understand, though, that I am not saying this album is as good as Operation: Mindcrime. Little is. But it's at least as good as Promised Land, and produces a sound expansion at least as fertile. And for fuck's sake, that's gotta count for something.

Okay. I'm done now. In short: fuck people.

Maybe I do have really, really not-right taste.

2011-02-25T12:51:00.000-08:00

Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Welcome to the Pleasuredome
Release: October 29, 1984 (Original release)
Unknown date 2010 (25th Anniversary special edition)
Genre: New Wave
Label: ZTT Records
Length: 64:04

Nick's Rating: 3.5/5

I started writing this review in a philosophy class. Anyone who's taken a philosophy class knows that, after a point, brain-aches are a common occurrence. However, compared to trying to figure out where I stand on this album, philosophy class is downright therapeutic. This album is incredibly weird, formed of hundreds of heavy layers of a mix of new wave and sonic garbage... slathered precariously over simple backbeats by producer Trevor Horn. This probably looks like an unerringly simple conclusion, but let's be honest here. Welcome to the Pleasuredome is arguably more of a testament to Trevor Horn's skill as a producer than the musicality of Frankie's membership. Its fame is arguably because of its over-the-top nature and its excessive ad campaigns. It's kind of cute and kitschy -- I even wanted to try and find one of those old "FRANKIE SAY RELAX" T-shirts out of nostalgia for this, and I wasn't even alive when the record came out. "Relax" continues to get a lot of airplay and has been heard (in various forms) in many films and commercials for them (e.g. it was in Zoolander, a film I primarily remember because of the presence of a remix of this song in it.).

This album is a lot of fun to listen to, but there are no great revelations, musically or otherwise, contained within, especially if viewed with a modern lens. Arguably, the album has been completely outdated and outshined as an album of dance songs. This is possibly true, on some level. After all, this is a far cry from Daft Punk or whatever else is popular in dance music. Most of the music is, at least, still natural. Don't think of it as you would a dance album, think of it as you would INXS, for example, because that's actually a lot closer to what this album is than what one usually thinks of when thinking of dance music. Somehow, this is a hell of a lot more fun to listen to.

Example: "Welcome to the Pleasuredome," a towering thirteen minutes long, is a dense jungle of only partially-related sounds which basically adds up to a long song with a dance beat and prominent rhythm section throughout. Folded, spindled, and mutilated in places by producer Trevor Horn, I... guess you could dance to it, but more importantly, the song is basically an energetic, complex rock song that shows a lot of skill in hook artifice. Even across that length, the band doesn't permit you to consider that you would want to stop listening. No surprise there, and it's a worthy cause indeed if you're predisposed to INXS. Sadly, the band really can't rock like INXS, nor like Pink Floyd. Why Pink Floyd? That's just the impression I got of some of it; it reminded me of "Echoes," just with more new-wave to it.

The fact remains that, while this album is basically all dance music, there's still a lot of rocking to it. The trouble with it is that most of the songs are not particularly interesting listens (e.g. "The Power of Love"), or are too short to be substantial (Closing "bang..."). A lot of it couldn't exist as it does without the help of producer Trevor Horn who, despite not being officially such, was very much a part of the band. Fortunately, this was in a different capacity to his role during his stint in Yes. Not that Horn has a bad voice or anything, but Holly Johnson's is much better for this music. "Relax (Come Fighting)" is a good place to observe this; Horn makes that one-note bass line huge, turning it into the backbone for a patchwork, albeit still danceable number that has a surprising amount of might. I think a lot of people don't even realize that this is a good song and think only of the controversy the song generated.

To be fair, though, "Relax" is not really the same kind of song that I usually call a good one. All of the complexity of this song, of which there isn't much, is because it seems like Horn was hunced over the tape with a razor and paste. The arrangement is very confusing as a rock song goes, and it would probably be nothing without its hook. It's weird, though... I think it's just the general fun factor that permeates the record, making it an eerily pleasant listen even if you're not big on dance music. It even makes songs that are supposed to not be fun, like the cover of Edwin starr's "War" (ere subtitled "...and Hide") and "Two Tribes (For the Victims of Ravishment)" pleasant listens. In fact, I think the only thing irredeemable about this record is the cover of "Born to Run." However, being as much of a Springsteen fan as I am, this is inevitable, isn't it?

So, as I decide to wrap this up, I came to the conclusion that I've come to basically the same conclusion as the All Music Guide reviewer Ned Raggett did when he reviewed this album. I also was informed again of the presence of some of Ian Dury's backing band and Steve Howe (Yes's on-again-off-again guitar wizard). I didn't think about it as I reviewed the record, but maybe it did have an effect. Hey, anything is possible. I wouldn't recommend this over most INXS records, though. At least, not Listen Like Thieves or Kick. Devo is even better if you want new wave.

Oh, whatever. Just don't get too hung-up on this one. I think it's already too late for me. I reviewed this at all.

It's pretty disappointing that this is the first post of the new year.

2011-02-14T22:25:00.000-08:00

Oomph! - Sandmann (Single)
Release: February 27, 2009
Genre: Neue Deutsche Härte
Label: Gun Records
Length: 15:09

Nick's Rating: 4/5

Let me preface this with a few quick things that have probably screwed my rating of this little single up a lot. First of all, I first heard this song in its English incarnation (which, after my first listen of the German original, I could tell was poorly-translated except in the choruses). Secondly, I really like this style of music for some reason -- which I guess is an instant goodbye to my metal cred. Third, there's the matter of the cover art. I really, really like it. It's very vanitas, without being directly so, as if the German semi-industrial-metal act doesn't know what it is. I don't blame them if the don't. I guess it's not proper vanitas, but it reminds me of the style. Huge plus there; vanitas looks really cool.

Well, who gives a damn about the art when it's the music I'm reviewing, right? Art criticism is something I should just leave for the one remaining expert, anyway, and the fact that I can't get much further than "I like vanitas" is proof. The song itself is basically standard fare for the genre. Neue Deutsche Härte, for those who are unaware, is a hard rock (I won't use the term metal here right now, since a lot of others wouldn't, and I don't want to incite their wrath for... whatever reason...) grounded heavily in industrial and electronic music (it's also German for "New German Hardness," but that's just an extra detail). The song is build on a pattern of loud verse-quiet prechorus-loud chorus-repeat with a rather soft, short bridge. It's modestly fast but probably not fast enough to get out of "midtempo." In short, very simple all around, but that's okay. The song is still very good.

I'd be hard-pressed to choose a specific part I liked most... the prechorus is slightly eerie, considering this genre cuts a lot of the spookiness of classic industrial out. There are a few other minor things I like, like the sudden stop at the end of the bridge before bringing us to the sounds from the intro and the last chorus, and how the riff in the chorus seems like it's going to just repeat (just like in Labyrinth), but then suddenly shifts a little just as the singer shuts up. All said, a lot of little things to like. It's a shame this didn't make it to Monster. It's basically supplanted "Labyrinth" as my favorite track from that era, and it's so energetic that it doesn't get old.

The three extra tracks are pretty okay all around, too, but can't hope to live up to the single's title track. The first is a remix thereof, though, by [:SITD:]. I like the way it starts out (taking the prechorus as an intro is damn effective), but without the energy of the original, I find it hard to like. I guess it's an okay dance number, but it just feels lacking. Then again, I think after the tremendous remix of Megaherz's "Liebestoter" that accompanied some releases of their Kopfschuss CD, I've been ruined for remixes of Neue Deutsche Haerte songs, or something. That, or I just don't get dance music of the modern age.

Next is "Auf Kurs," which appeared on Monster. Basically, this whole song is a slow build-up and very not heavy, which is fine. I don't think I'd easily return to it, but it's inoffensive, and sometimes it is nice to hear heavy bands scale back on the heaviness... unless they're X Japan. Sadly, the song is a bit nondescript, but the continuous adding of elements at the chorus is nice. It's done without the hysterics of Rammstein, but whether or not this is beneficial... hm, good question.

The last song on there is "Du lügst," which, I think, was on another single before Sandmann, but that's okay. This is my first time hearing it, and I really like it. It's slower than the title track by a lot and sounds a bit like "Das letzte Streichholz" Version Two, but that's not much of an argument. The bottom end is synth-heavy, which is perfectly fine. Actually, the electronic-ness of this seems to be the real selling point for me, for some reason. If it were more "natural-sounding" (if you catch my meaning), I would probably just dismiss it as too sappy. I really can't understand this very well myself, but I like the song, and it's a good ending song (as slower songs often are), so I'll definitely take it.

It's so disappointing, though, that this single and pretty much the only source of two of these songs (though "Sandmann" itself appeared on a reissue of Monster that I don't have) and the remix, because it's great all around. Singles of anything are hard to find these days. The single, for instance, is not available on US iTunes (then again, though, nothing from pre-2004-era Oomph! appears to be on US iTunes, either), and I have never seen it in stores. It's not surprising that it can't be found; Oomph!, and Neue Deutche Härte in general, were not that big in the U.S. -- which is no surprised. Translating lyrics from German to English doesn't often work out very well, and it wouldn't sell very well in German. We learned that with Kraftwerk (or at least the first part). It was by sheer luck that I got my copy of the single. I guess that just can't be helped.

Sometimes I'm just happier not understanding.

2010-12-19T19:19:00.000-08:00

X Japan - Jealousy
Release: July 1, 1991 (Original release)
February 14, 2007 (Special Edition)
Genre: Speed metal
Label: Ki/oon Records
Length: 51:23

Nick's Rating: 3.5/5

I don't like to brag, but I think I have pretty good taste in music. Or, well, I thought I did until I decided it was time to check out X Japan. I guess this is just part of my "listen to things from all around the world" quest, and I'm afraid to trudge into the territory of Vocaloid songs without at least six guides holding my hands, and I don't feel like being a tug-of-war rope. So, a conservative choice (albeit one that would make political conservatives vomit). I got hold of this album, the special edition version with seven bonus tracks (instrumental versions of the vocal numbers from the album), and gave it a listen.

Shockingly, I liked it. I mean, it was good. It was very good. But not good as in "quirky kitsch" like Porcelain and the Tramps, and not good as in "written by a genius lyrical wordsmith" like Sparks, and not necessarily good as in "masterful instrumentalism" like King Crimson, or even good as in "abstract and demanding" like Cynic. It's more the "immaculately-made mid-level speed metal" of any 'good' third generation speed-metal band (discounting thrash, which is a whole new genre in and of itself). Let's not talk about the visual appearance... this music owes endless debt to Budgie and Iron Maiden. There is no escaping this. NO ESCAPE. NO ESCAPE...

Ahem. If you're looking for musical genius, don't start here, by any means. There are a few more genius musical moments than your average KISS record (they're purportedly big fans, or were), but that's not saying much. To be fair, though, the riffs that populate all of the good-ish five songs are worthwhile. However, maybe to make this as close to "quick and painless" as possible, let's go through the things I hate first, then what I'm lukewarm about, then what I actually like. I'm not even gonna try any analysis here; I can't understand a fucking WORD of this, and I could do without looking at the album cover again.

I utterly despise "Voiceless Screaming" and "Say Anything." Sometimes, ballads work. The minimalistic, acoustic-only "Voiceless Screaming" sounds great at first, like it might be kinda like Elvis Costello's "Little Triggers" (This Year's Model is still one of my favorite albums ever.), but it's not. The problem is that vocalist Toshimitsu Deyama (Toshi) over-emotes and sounds really, really whiny here. Taiji Sawada donates a nice arrangement, but otherwise... "Say Anything" has basically the same problem, but worse. It doesn't even have the benefit of a good arrangement. Sad, because Yoshiki Hayashi donates good songs elsewhere.

The instrumentals... well, it all depends on my mood. Two are introductions, one is just kinda weird. I'm talking about "Love Replica," and I'm counting it as instrumental even if it lists lyrics from deceased lead guitarist Hideto "hide" Matsumoto. I don't hear much in that area except a few abstract French statements. It's too long for being a weird pseudo-experimental mostly-electronic track. I guess it's cool, but it's sleep-inducing. Tomoaki Ishizuka (Pata) contributes "White Wind from Mr. Martin ~Pata's Nap~," which is the intro to "Voiceless Screaming." I like it, but it's really just the expected dicking around with an acoustic guitar. Nothing special. Likewise "Es Dur no Piano Sen" (I had to look that one up), though it does have this nice little break toward the end where everything just stops and there's a brief bit of chaos with the piano. That's Yoshiki's first contribution to the album, and it's the intro to "Silent Jealousy."

Speaking of which, I love "Silent Jealousy." I'm not ashamed. It's actually a decent number. I think the piano really makes it a hell of a lot more interesting than just another speedy riff-based song. At seven minutes long, it had better be interesting. It is. From what I've read, there's something from Swan Lake excerpted in that piano break toward the middle, but I couldn't tell you for sure. I just know that it sounds good, and this is where Toshi's strength as a vocalist lies.

Next in line: "Miscast" -- it's a great title, as if I could use one to sum up everything about the band, it would be that. Or maybe "Drain," but that's another review. The soung is even a little heavier than the last one with no regard for instrumental genius. It just rock pretty nicely, which is about all I need from an X Japan song. That's why I still listen to "Desperate Angel." It rocks nicely, even if it really is nothing special.

The real fun of this record is listening to "Stab Me in the Back" while you know what it's about. Hint: It's about being the receiving partner in anal sex. The lyrics were written by someone from outside the band (Hitomi Shiratori, according to Wikipedia), so take that as you will. I've also heard that Yoshiki thinks it's his favorite song (though I could be wrong), so tanke that as you will. You have a good night, now.

Oh, right. The song. It's pretty okay. It's the thrashiest number on here, and like most "thrashiest numbers" on records from thrash's heyday (i.e. pre-Black Album), is not always the funnest thing to listen to, unless you can't get enough of the sounds of heavy traffic (not the film, no). It's well-written and well-performed, but also lacks that technical edge that made Master of Puppets so good. "Damage, Inc." this ain't.

That just leaves "Joker." I don't know what to think of this one. It's kind of... not as good as my other favored songs, but I do like it. It's just kind of hard to remember. Maybe it's the vocals? I feel like I can make more sense of them, and I'm not sure I like that idea. Thankfully, the instrumental versions...

Well, there you go. I was probably a little hard on this record, but I don't consider it godlike. It's not really bad, though, either, just... it's not the first thing I'd take down to listen to if I was going to drive back to Chicago. Though, neither is Ghost in the Machine, which is a long-standing favorite of mine. It's well-performed, but not terribly special in terms of arrangement.

P.S. to any fans who may get prissy about fouling up information, please post a comment to this entry if I've gotten something wrong. I had to look a LOT of shit up on Wikipedia, which tends to have this effect... you get it.

From the other end of the spectrum...

2010-12-04T00:34:00.001-08:00

Bruce Cockburn - The Trouble with Normal
Release: Unknown date 1983 (Original release)
Unknown date 1992 (Remastered with bonus tracks)
Genre: Post-punk
Label: True North Records
Length: 42:22

Nick's Rating: 4.5/5

A friend of mine was listening to Barenaked Ladies' cover of "Lovers In a Dangerous Time," which was originally written by this artist (pronounced as "Coburn," so you know). He tried to argue with me that Cockburn was not as good as Barenaked Ladies. If he'd only heard the one song by Cockburn, I could understand that. The new wave sound used for Stealing Fire and a few songs here make the messages hard to take. He'd probably heard more, and I... would still argue his point. It's a matter of personal taste, though. There are a few things about many of Cockburn's 80s records, though, that could do anything but endear prospective listeners to him. A lot of his masterful guitar work is gone, and not much separates these songs from Saga's debut, albeit informed with a little more new wave and post-punk. I like this style, but you might not.

One thing about this style, though, is that absorbing the musical skill doesn't feel like a chore. Sure, these are comparatively subtle in terms of displaying that Cockburn was a musical whiz, but when one confines him/herself to the limits of new wave, where's the room for stretching out? The Cars could have been musical gods to rival Hendrix, Bonham, Wakeman and Levin, but you'd never have known it. Listening to the title track and "Candy Man's Gone," though, you do get the feeling of a musical genius being locked into a self-imposed challenge: "I will make you think just like I did when I was just armed with an acoustic, while I cleave through what sprung from the Maels' worshipers." If you need proof, proceed from here. The instrumentation doesn't change much, but "Hoop Dancer" is blatantly post-punk instead of such a specific definition as new wave. So it's not as dark as Joy Division... there's more to life than darkness, which you'd know if you listened to the damn song. There's still light in this dark place. there's still some beauty in a world made ugly.

The words weave in and out between the virtuoso chaos, just as the virtuoso chaos does with itself. The song wears its Lou Reed inspiration on its sleeve like Emilie Autumn doesn't with her Tori Amos inspiration. It's weird, but it's well worth listening to, just because it sounds cool. Sure, it might drag on a while, but that's kind of the point. It can't all be (what he calls) "fashionable fascism!" Fuck the three-minute rule! Cockburn prefers himself a four-minute rule anyway... that's plenty of time to say something! Plenty of people can't say anything in that time, but Cockburn does it with gusto!

Okay, okay. "Waiting for the Moon" isn't ever gonna be cited as a favorite by me, but it's nice and calm after all that chaos, and after all, there's a lot more chaos to come. A dystopia probably isn't your ideal world (in fact, I'm fairly sure it's not), but while Cockburn gives you one, you kind of want to join him there to watch it all... sink. "Tropic Moon" is kind of also in that new wave/post-punk fusion area, but there isn't much else to say there. It's still a good song, I just can't describe it. It's not really that chaotic, either. I could describe that.

"Going Up Against Chaos," though, is chaotic indeed, and it's just weird. It has to be heard to be really described. There's more order to it than a lot of songs here, but that middle eight will continue to screw with your mind for a while (The closest I can come to describing it is a piano falling down the stairs... then the stairs falling on the piano.). It's probably my favorite song, because there aren't many things like it, much as some would like to say otherwise. I think it's because of the (electric) piano sounds, because that instrument's rarer than it should be in the genre. "Put Our Hearts Together" is pretty much exactly what you'd expect, albeit more angry and political. This must be why Wikipedia marks it as pop rock. There's not a lot of pop about much of the rest of this, you know.

The last two songs are not the best but are both okay. "Civilization and Its Discontents" its like a shorter, more staccato-based version of "Hoop Dancer," but with less of a spoken-word base than the aforementioned. At least, during the verses. The chorus, oddly, takes a sudden change. In fact, the song doesn't know what it wants to be, like it's nervous... very nervous. Talking Heads' "Life During Wartime" was probably the most paranoid song I'd heard until I put this one on. It's not directly paranoid, really, but at the same time... aw, fuck, I don't know. However, the best part is definitely that ending when it starts slowing down a lot. Very cool and irregular. The closer "Planet of the Clowns" reminds me of "Waiting for the Moon," so... you know what I think already of that. Kind of a boring way to end the album, but at least it makes it feel less chokingly hopeless... and I guess the line about waves rolling on the beach sounding like a squadron of F-16s is pretty damn vivid.

To be honest, I haven't got much to say about this. No pop culture jokes. No real jabs at anyone, no smarmy nicknames, no I'm-so-clever secret dick jokes... it's too good of an album for that. It manages to be beautiful without being a drag. It presents its views in a not-too-brutal way, and it's actually fun to listen to. Unlike all those Genesis pop albums, you get the feeling that Cockburn is a good songwriter with real musical skill from this disc. My only real regret here is that I couldn't find the newer CD with bonuses anywhere, which is what I get for living in Ugly America.

Okay, I guess a few snide remarks couldn't be avoided.

I'm glad I was lucky enough to find it on vinyl a few years ago. These days, you can't find anything on vinyl in listenable condition without shelling out the kind of money you usually reserve for diamond-encrusted Ferraris. Well... you get the picture. Vinyl is fucking expensive these days.

The ultimate proof that I have to stop trusting people on the internets.

2010-12-03T23:00:00.000-08:00

Porcelain and the Tramps - s/t (EP)
Release: Unknown time 2010
Genre: Industrial Rock
Label: N/A
Length: 36:54

Rating: 3/5

Something I've covered before is how the world currently seems to be locked in endless 90s nostalgia in the past few years. It manifests itself in the eruption of praise you might witness being spewed from every critic's mouth about records like Stone Temple Pilots (not a bad album, really, but quite visibly backwards-looking, and can you name anything they did after 1995-ish?), Backspacer, Chinese Democracy, and Opheliac (which owes debt to Nine Inch Nails like you wouldn't believe). Unsuprisingly, several bands are interested in feeding into this as a means of getting a larger audience. Among these are groups like Shinedown, Tantric, and Godsmack, who polish their nu-metal sound with blatant grunge love, occasionally adding a pseudo-spiritual element (which is something that a lot of grunge bands didn't seem to care about).

Meanwhile, there are... other bands, like this, who don't give a shit about spirituality, or newer sounds. In short, the sound of Porcelain and the Tramps' eponymous EP (which is not an official release, and exists only as a fan-made EP of MP3s gathered from bandleader Alaina Beaton's MySpace site for the group.) is the 1990s all over again. Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails-inspired hard pop rock where it's pretty okay, and almost cool, to drop the F-bomb. Alaina uses it like she's trying out to be the female Penn Jillette for an episode of Bullshit!, except that she can't wail with his level of vengeful conviction. She tries at times, but rarely does it ever even show up, let alone seem like she's any good at it, let alone that she ever seems to have a reason for it, except to be nineties.

Okay, I'm a nineties guy. I like Rammstein, so there's a few points there. However, most of the rest of my nineties' culture favorites are Magic: The Gathering, the Nintendo 64, grunge music, Mr. Show, and EarthBound. I'm cool with Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson. However, with few exceptions, I don't buy the whole "you swear, you're cool" thing. "Cool" was Contract From Below into a Yawgmoth's Will. I played Magic with my brother where we faked ante, so this was possible. This also won't make any sense to anyone ever. In short, I was a mild-mannered nerd with a modestly clean mouth and who was fed his revolutions by The Man. (Hilarious, by the way, how every revolutionary class of music was claimed by The Man in the end, isn't it?) As a result, in terms of nineties nostalgia, this doesn't thrill me. Nor does it thrill me as an industrial fan; inspired by inspired by inspired by industrial really isn't very industrial at all. Call it scathingly rough-cut, deeply skew versions of Some Great Reward-era Depeche Mode.

That's a good point to bring up, though. The album is nothing if not catchy and kind of kitschy in its half-nostalgic posturing. The subject du jour, unsurprisingly, is sex... which seems out of place when sung by a creepy girl in a gas mask, but that's beside the point. I guess anything can be sexy, and we live in an era of Lady Gaga and Bayonetta and a lot of other weird shit that some people find sexy. Can't "raving psycho bitch" be a class of moe, too? If Vocaloid fandom is any indication, yes it can. Why all these references? I was submitted this item by people who would be able to feign understanding of this same shit. (No, I don't even think I understand it.)

In brief, the matter is this: there is no inspiration here from a lyrical stance besides the trademark "Nineties Guy" scowl and a desire to get laid. It sounds heinous, but it does include a few good songs, as do most concepts that sound bad. Ignore the lyrics; they're trite shit. The arrangements are well-enough-done that you can ignore that those are pretty much worthless, too. They're your basic alternative arrangements but more industrial-rocky. "I Feel Perfect" is probably my favorite, reminding me of "Closer" meets "Mama" (the Genesis song). "Redlight District" was exposed to me by a fan of Pandora Hearts, so I can't stop associating it with a character from that series. Surprisingly, that makes it more amusing. It's so hard to read, though; is it an indictment of the sex-crazed world we live in, or is it a serious, blatant come-on? One last: "My Leftovers" is probably one of the heaviest songs on the album (except maybe "I'm Your Favorite Drug"), which makes it kidn of endearing, proving that, with the right volume and mix, nothing matters in rock except the ROCKING.

Okay, I lied about that "one last" thing, as I have to give credit to one more song. "Fuck Like a Star," the third track on the EP, is oddly cute, perhaps due to its über-vulgar title and lyrics. It's definitely not the arrangement; musically speaking, it's basically just kind of a cheesy pop song, machine music that most people could come up with. It could just be the opening, a joke on censorship and what you can get away with. It's a profanity-laden rant by Alaina, heavily filtered, with all of the words that are directly banned from broadcast blanked out. It's incredibly foul and sounds like the worst of hip-hop misogyny (Alaina DID start her career as a rapper), but it could probably be broadcast... and it makes the ending "Ahahahaha... OOPS!" of the song that much sillier. All in all, it's kind of cute, but largely pointless. At once, I want this to become big and to actually see Alaina release an album already, but at the same time... it's nothing special. No-one woudl be caught dead singing these songs unless they were shit-faced fucking drunk.

Footnote: Alaina now records as just Porcelain. This EP is, again, not commercially available, and it consisted of the following songs: "King of the World," "My Leftovers," "Fuck Like a Star," "You Want," "Sugar Cube," "The Preyingmantis," "Transparent," "I Feel Perfect," "I'm Your Favorite Drug," and "Redlight District." There was no cover for this.

No, really, ONE of us IS still alive!

2010-11-23T12:50:00.000-08:00

The Reasoning - Dark Angel
Release: October 9, 2008
Genre: Progressive rock
Label: Comet Music
Length: 51:35

Nick's Rating: 4/5

It was briefly fashionable in the progressive rock world, for those bands who knew what fashion was, to borrow your style from Porcupine Tree. While I have respect for Steven Wilson and all of his projects, as Porcupine Tree the man, as Porcupine Tree the band, producing Opeth or being a King Crimson fanboy, I am deeply disappointed by this fact. The reason why Mr. Tree became so big is mostly because of In Absentia (a good album), Deadwing (even better), and Fear of a Blank Planet (too heavy-handed at times, but pretty cute), especially that first one. At the time, I hated it. I still think it's not nearly the band's best, but their catalogue also includes Lightbulb Sun, so what can you do about that?

At around the same time, metal bands also put out a decent number of "return to form" albums (Voivod's self-titled, Megadeth's The System Has Failed and United Abominations) or made it big (Nightwish's Once). Thank you for mentioning Nightwish, also; Dark Angel borrows enough pieces of gothic-style metal that, at first, you will want to grit your teeth and ask "Where the fuck did I hear this from, and when did it get so damn slow?" A lot of the album is like that, really, but more of it draws from the more obvious progressive influences like Porcupine Tree and Marillion, and thankfully, just because it draws a lot from these bands and is based a reasonable bit on a super-predictable musical model (which may be closer to Epica or early After Forever, if the latter sounds like what I think it does, in that it cares a lot about having male vocals be as important as female vocals. Unlike Epica, though, the male vocals are actually clean.). Thankfully, it's a good one, but it does detract a lot from how interesting the album is.

I can't really say what song is "best," they all have basically the same good and bad to them. Most of them sound too much like someone was listening to Nightwish or, dare I say it, Evanescence, when writing these, and the genre's need for complexity is rarely met (as is basically the case with Porcupine Tree). I guess I'll just go with the second song, "Sharp Sea," which probably is about a vampire tring to seduce her victim, or... something, I don't even want to know, okay? The important parts that contribute to my counting this as good is that it reminded me a lot of Deadwing/Fear-era Porcupine Tree in its general sound, and the melody of the chorus seems to recall the song "Survival" from Yes' very first album. I always loved that song, and trying to replicate its melody is a noble cause. "Call Me God?" is pretty cute, too, for similar reasons as why everything on Deadwing or Fear is. It's strong and sardonic, which is fun ad just right for the modern audience. In fact, this whole album, even at its most average (almost all of it!) is pretty cute, because it could fit just as well into the playlists of a fan of neo-prog and a Twihard. (Defining my opinions on Twilight is a fait accompli, but I still find this adorable.)

Though it's not exactly on-topic, I think I should say it anyway: there seems to be an odd construct about rock music today, that, for the large part, it's still the domain of men, to the point where the presence of a female member of the band immediately is a focal point. Have a look at the pictures for The Reasoning on last.fm and count how many don't focus a fair bit on Rachel Cohen. Almost every picture features her, and many feature ONLY her. For those pictures that don't show her, you'll notice they're usually very low down the list (the images are ordered according to how much they're liked, by the way). It's probably sexual, and I guess I can understand that, but most fans, regardless of whether sex is the point, will focus more on Cohen as the lead singer than the musicality of the album, which is disappointing. If The Reasoning made it big today, it would probably be because people would be trying to focus on how best to compare it to Evanescence or how sexy the lead singer is (if the label was really corrupt), when they'd be missing the entire point, that these are actually good songs.

Okay, so I'm being a little cynical, but this is a good album, shockingly, and one of the proofs that modern music is not dead, but that its vitality lies in something the radio doesn't want to grasp hold of, like this, or Traced In Air, or Voivod. The old mainstays have led us to Linkin Park and Lady Gaga taking home massive quantities of records. My qualms with Lady Gaga are mostly faded, but she's not as good as everyone gives her credit for, or at least unwilling to show that she is, and Linkin Park won't be forgiven for making me think, in my youth, that they were good thanks to their prevalence in AMVs and the like. We all make bad decisions in our life, indeed. Buying Dark Angel wouldn't be one of those. I'm only suggesting you buy it this time because this is an artist in desperate need of support. Mainstream professional critics can't be assed to write about it, there's no singles, and no advertisements for it. How will people who are too lazy to search for things going to discover this album, then?

Yes, I am actually extolling the virtues of mainstream critics and advertising for once. I'm going to go stab myself in the back for you right now. And I guess I didn't go over a lot of the songs in much depth, but there isn't a lot of depth to this album.

Album Review: Guns n' Roses - Chinese Democracy

2010-08-06T22:46:00.000-07:00

Guns n' Roses - Chinese Democracy
Release: November 23, 2008
Genre: Rock
Label: Geffen Records
Length: 71:18

Nick's Rating: 2.5/5

Oh, the pain, my flesh is burning. Listening to this album was so hard, and writing this review is even harder. The album's greatest success is only as a whole, and even that's not exactly on a musical level. Chinese Democracy is a nightmarish ride through an obsession with Nine Inch Nails finally being brought to the forefront, a trek through the marshes of mediocrity (it contributes three good songs, a few aveage ones, and some true shit to the GNR legacy), but most importantly, a look deep into the shallow depths of Axl's soul.

I don't really know why this is a GNR record. Why, because Dizzy Reed contributed "Silkworms," which didn't even make the album, anyway? It's just another of Axl's megalomaniac tendencies, showing that he was the band, when his whiny vocals tended not to suit a band who sang about bad neighbors, living poor, and Night Train. Meanwhile, Rose's needle-like vocalizations actually benefit this album in most of the places where they're audible. While I would probably have vomited if they completed the lead vocals of "Shackler's Revenge," he manages to pull out well enough on some of the ballads.

But first, we should look at some of the things that were NOT included -- should we be thankful? Actually, no. If a few of the more uninteresting songs (such as "Scraped," which I can't even remember now, and "There Was a Time") were cut for "Silkworms" and "Oh My God," the album would probably be a lot better off.

Speaking of better, I'm finally beginning to be okay with that song. At the time the album was first released until about a week ago, I hated it. The hook was limp and the lyrics were just another of Rose's wanky indictments of everyone who 'betrayed' him. Truth be told, the hook is poor, and the into is almost a complete dealbreaker, as is the middle section, but it's a pretty good song, because of its... uh, distorted to the point of cleanness (boy, that Axl Rose is nuts, ain't he?)... main riff, over which Axl explains his plight with an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend or something that I can be even less arsed to figure out than... most other things, actually. The fact is, the song sounds like several GNR songs, and I can't quite place which one/s off-hand, and that's probably why I actually grew to like it. It's still a pale shadow of those old songs (Axl, when oh when do we get another "Right Next Door to Hell?" Or another "Mr. Brownstone?"), and the nineties nostalgia consumes the entire song.

That's probably the big problem with this album -- the change in sound. There's nothing wrong with this, of course, but GNR cannot do this very well, not to mention that any time this sound is used, it already sounds like it's been done so much before that it cannot provide any sort of pleasure at all, and it devoids songs of any vitality, with few exceptions. For a good example, check out "I.R.S.," which wasn't necessarily a great song in the first place, but in older demos, the riff came to life and didn't sound like it was cheaply made on a computer. Now, as it stands, it's cute, but utterly worthless, and if earlier songs weren't proof that the skip button was the greatest thing to happen to the CD player since... the CD player... you'll be up and heading for the machine as the plastic-forged riff rears its lifeless head. I mean, I do like a few songs whose riffs could've been a rip-roarin' demon of a distortion-wall but got frozen into a fragile form, but there has to be a reason for this other than wanting to test out the latest technology from the early 1990s, about when Axl probably locked himself in his room to cry about how everything should change. Eventhing except the music, of course -- otherwise, why would Nine Inch Nails' Robin Finck or Josh Freese, who now is a member of Devo of all groups to have any association with Axl Rose, be needed at any point along the record's development?

There are only two reasons why you shouldn't turn this album off after the first three tracks, but neither is very great... they're just good. The first is in the form of ~~Rhiad and the Bedouins~~ ~~Riyadh and the Bedouins~~ Riad n' the Bedouins, where Axl Rose proves his controlling nature by changing the name of the song not once but twice during its development to simply change the spelling. That... is perfectionism. "I don't give a fuck 'bout them / 'cause I. Am. CRAZY!" indeed, Axl. May I recommend Prozac? Did you predict the future and steal dialogue from Crazy Dave of Plants vs. Zombies, mate? Lyrically it's a suckjob, yes, but it has a damn good riff for swimming in a sea of mediocrity. The other, though, wins solely on an emotional level, and that's closer "Prostitute," which seems to manage the 'forlorn' feeling Axl was going for throughout the whole album, where you finally can actually feel for Axl and his self-induced abandonment. Of course, lyrically, it's the same dumb shit you should expect from this man.

Of course, the two absolute best songs (to me) sit at the very start of the album. The title track, despite its completely unnecessary massive, cinematic, string-flooded opener, actually pulls out a nice opener and, unbelievably, acceptable, if generic vocals (probably because the actual lead seens to be handled by someone else with Axl in the back!) that actually allow the bitterness and anger (probably not directed at the People's Republic in the title, but at some other backstabber) that, combined with the fact that the song has something resembling drive, make it pretty much of a winner. Its pair, then, is the restrained, brooding, not... not necessarily creepy or even dark, but definitely making a good attempt at it... "Shackler's Revenge" boasts a lot of dynamic shifting that make it a startling and even disorienting listen, with the band aiming for a dark atmosphere and an almost honest account of a killer seeking to exterminate... another backstabber. Overall, very boring lyrically, but those dark vocals, and the weird-sounding solo section with the odd chorus in the background that sound like they want to be flamethrowers, while the bass remains invisible and the drums sound like plastic... it's very weird, which is a symptom the whole album suffers from, but it's actually shockingly good.

The album, though, brings up one very important point. Let's remind ourselves that the record took 15+ years to see release and has 14 tracks, of which two are great, three are modestly okay, and the other nine range from total shit to too unmemorable to be considered. I think, then, that we can make a simple test for a new album. If the ratio between years since last album and number of tracks on the album is 1 or greater, the album is probably not worth buying in whole. It's depressing; I like the 90s electronic-based rock 'scene,' which has given us great albums like Violator and Broken, but this half-assed tribute (musically speaking; lyrically... this album is oddly lacking on swears, so how close can it get to Reznorian dimensions, since Trent came up with that "I wanna fuck you like an animal" song. You know, "Closer"?) to that era leaves me damn cold in some places. The best parts, though, tend to resemble the songs of the style that GNR used to do so well before the hiatus. You know, back when Slash was in the band. Which just goes to show that this is a band that, even if they had only the one skill, had it in spades. Can we deny for even a minute that Appetite for Destruction and the Use Your Illusion saga were deserved gargantuans? Fuck no.

I should note, though, that I probably am a little bit bitter about having to buy this at fucking Best Buy, where I paid around $16 US for this CD new. I have always fucking hated Best Buy with every fiber of my existence, and this record's price versus its quality may have something to do with it. As well, I didn't get my free Dr. Pepper two years ago, but what can you do. I feel I was being conservative with this record's rating, but remember that 2.5 is basically a "just below average" on a scale of one to five. It's just extremely frustrating... and this record makes me want to take a fifteen-year nap before I post my next article.

Good lord, I am angry. I'll try to actually review something likable next time.

Cosplay!Get : Utena Tenjou

2010-06-26T18:09:00.000-07:00

As a cosplayer, one of the best feelings in the world is to get a costume out there that you feel proud of. If you're wearing it and you're having a great time, then you can consider it an outfit well made. Recently I've posted about my in-progress Utena Tenjou cosplay, from Revolutionary Girl Utena.

I'm really proud of this costume; it reflects how far I've come as a cosplayer. Way back when I was making my first messy hand-stitches in 2006, I never really thought I'd ever manage a tailored coat with full props. The coat here was created from a basic women's suit jacket pattern, with each side elongated to form the 'flaps'. The crinoline was rouched and sewn on the inside of the panels in a manner that would not show the stitches on the outside.

All props for my group were created by me; most gems were moulded out of dyed, poured epoxy resin, or sculpted out of clay. It's here where I've found that my talents really lie in prop creation as opposed to sewing. I'm not a good seamstress at all, really, but I love to make all the little (or large!) finicky, shiny things that make a costume pop out in a crowd.

My two fellow cosplayers were good friends of mine, and I was really lucky to be able to stick around them for the entire weekend of Anime North 2010. All in all, a really comfy, really good looking, and really fun costume to wear!

Review: Ico

2010-06-25T18:39:00.000-07:00

Title: Ico
Developer: Team Ico
Platform: PlayStation 2

Rating: 4.5 / 5

Regarding Fumito Ueda's minimalist puzzle-adventure Ico, the cat's kind of been out of the bag for a while. The substantially more successful Shadow of the Colossus garnered interest in Mr. Ueda's previous work, and the upcoming The Last Guardian (which was conspicuously absent from this year's E3) has fired off rumors of an Ico and Shadow of the Colossus two-pack Hi-Definition re-release. So Fumito Ueda is the vanguardist Japanese developer of the moment; in the West, at least.

I don't like how many reviewers speak in hushed, reverent tones about Ico, though, like it's not a video game. "Step back, guys; now this, this is art!" I don't know Mr. Ueda, but I figure he knows that people like his games not only because they're soothing and emotional, but also because they're fun. There is an alternate, lightly humorous ending in Ico, you know, and also a hidden lightsaber weapon that dissipates enemies in one swing. (These features were omitted from the North American release, however.) And since there are already a lot of reviews of Ico out there that recycle the stock terms ("poignant", "gorgeous", "unique", etc.), I'm just going to give a straightforward commentary on what is admittedly one of my favorite games.

Ico begins simply enough. The titular character is a small boy with taurine horns jutting out of his head, and he's being carried by armored men into a seaside castle shrouded in mist. Ico, as all horned boys before him, is going to be sacrificed "for the good of the village". But he manages to escape his premature tomb, and meets a perturbingly beautiful girl named Yorda. Now, the two will attempt to escape the castle's stone bowels, but the Queen, apparently Yorda's mother, will not allow her to leave. All of this is told through sparse cinematic sequences spoken in a fictional language. About two thirds of the subtitles are in English, while the rest are in really pretty-looking hieroglyphs, which we are to assume correspond to the fictional language.

The meat of the game consists of, as the nimble Ico, navigating the castle's various areas, climbing ladders and working switches to manipulate the environment in such a way that Yorda can safely cross to the next area. Each place is a massive puzzle, and none of them are outstandingly hard. To hinder your progress, a black vortex will periodically appear, letting forth a host of smoke-creatures who will try to whisk Yorda away. Ico has to ward them off with a stick (and later a sword). Combat is very rough, limited to mashing Square until the enemies dissipate and the vortex disappears. Seeing as Ico is a boy as opposed to a capable swordsman, this makes sense, but doesn't save fighting from becoming monotonous. Fortunately these sequences are always quite short and never too frequent. The game can be completed in something like six hours, but as I mentioned, there is some extra content to motivate a second run.

Are there technical issues? Definitely, but none are very frustrating. Probably the only one that really stands out is Yorda's A.I. Sometimes she simply won't know what to do. Ico may extend his hand to help her cross a chasm, and she'll just stand there. Ico may take a seat to initiate the game-saving process, and she'll just stand there. Ico may call her to climb down a ladder, and halfway down, she'll start climbing back up. But you'll come to love Yorda, felicitously, even if your particular Yorda is a little damaged in the head.

Now, regarding what is probably the most commonly evoked term for this game--atmosphere--, Mr. Ueda shows his predilection for exposition through simplicity in Ico. Despite how gray things may look, it all works in blacks and whites; the key to Ico's freedom is magical light, while smoking shadows try to drag Yorda into imprisonment. Yorda herself is an ethereal, almost alien white, immediately asserting her status as some sort of royalty or unearthly deity beside Ico, who is small and evidently human. The Queen is draped in black.

More famously, Mr. Ueda excels at size comparisons, conveying an almost dizzying sense of scale; this concept would later be worked into the very core of Shadow of the Colossus. The castle is an impossible feat of architectural sorcery. With the flip of a switch you will manipulate gigantic, rusted containers dangling from golden chains above a foggy abyss. Arched bridges stand infinitely tall over a churning, frigid sea. It is in certain platform sections that make great use of this setting that Ico shows the influence of Eric Chahi's Out of This World. Both are simplistic platform games about exploring alien worlds, punctuated by sparse music and dialogue. Out of This World is sci-fi and Ico is fantasy, but they use similar tricks: vast landscapes extend far beyond the player's range of movement, with vague shapes outlined against the endless sky. It always makes the player wonder what's over there. In the case of the castle, you will often find yourself looking into the distance to spot areas that you have already visited or will soon visit, establishing it as a real, concrete place. Or maybe you'll just force the camera way to the side to get a good look at the sea.

So Ico does a great job when it comes to building a fascinating world, and only letting you explore a diminute portion of it. This, of course, makes it all the more seductive. It deals with common and identifiable themes; a brave, kind youth seeks to free a beautiful damsel. Alienation, loss and longing for the past all play a part. It is a decidedly romantic adventure, and because all of these things are presented in clear and uncompromising images, they can pack a stronger punch than your usual narrative video game, which spins a long and winding yarn. When you're done with Ico, you'll probably have a lingering feeling of something, but then again, I suppose that's the case with many other video games.

But a nice aspect of Ico is that anyone can play it and complete it, no matter their 'specialization' when it comes to the games they play. It's a pretty succint and distinguished experience, although the organic build of the puzzles and the game's familiar silence can be very alluring; the first time I beat it, I immediately started a second round.

For what it's worth, I still like Ico better than Shadow of the Colossus, because it's more intimate, more disarming and more naïve. Or maybe I just think I prefer it because it's a little more obscure than its successor and I want to feel different. Either way, you'd do well to give it a try; you have very little to lose, anyway.

... Well, other than money. Ico fetches quite the price these days. Let's hope that rumor about an HD re-release is true, if only to make copies affordable again.

Album Review: Alice Cooper - Dragontown

2010-05-20T00:39:00.000-07:00

Alice Cooper - Dragontown

Release: September 18, 2001

Genre: Rock

Label: Spitfire Records

Length: 50:48

Nick's Rating: 4/5

At times, it's easy enough to spot genius, even for the truly stupid. When you scan over rock music, you're bound to note the favorite genii of the average radio-listener in the Beatles, the Stones, Zep, et cetera; the genii of choice for the hipsters and neo-goths in Joy Division, The Cure, et cetera; metalheads' musical brains in Black Sabbath, Metallica*, et al.; and so many more. Sometimes, though, there are some that you do not expect to fill these positions, and yet, they do it deftly, fitting the throne as though it were built especially for them.

Alice Cooper is not the man you would expect to ever do this. He was smart, yes, but what did he do? Give Marilyn Manson his goonish costumes and make a few okay albums? Write a few hair-metal songs then fade away into Christian conservative golfer obscurity? Crank out shlock in the 70s then turn to shit? However, most people who say this forget a few things:

a) He was discovered by Frank fucking Zappa. Uncle Frank would not go out of his way to get~~Cooper~~ Vincent Furnier (back when 'Alice Cooper' was actually the band) onto his label if he thought the man was mediocre.

b) Marilyn Manson wasn't exactly his idea, and he... is indifferent, I'd say, to him.

c) "A few okay albums" are only the ones that sold, except the aforementioned hair-metal nonsense.

d) The hair metal was mostly just to either a) exploit that genre's typical listeners (you know, the guys who make pot shots at Donald Fagen just for his name) from 1986-7, or b) send a message in a medium that might be listened to from 1989-91 (well, in most cases, he was).

e) Most people are judging him by a maximum of five songs.

There's the rub, of course. Five songs, as many Muse fans hasten to tell me as I cringe at my radio, are not enough to judge an artist. You might be inclined to think of Cooper as only having developed the whole 'stage makeup' thing outside progressive rock and David Bowie. That may be. However, is it necessary to be a progenitor to be a genius? Wasn't now-deceased Voivod guitarist Denis "Piggy" D'Amour a genius? (The fanbase is inclined to believe so, at least) Did he invent technical thrash guitar? (Fuck no!)

It's this sort of genius that boils to the top with Alice Cooper's Dragontown, a fine, and wrongly-overlooked, album of the early 2000s, at a time when music was in severe self-conflict with no sign of an ending in sight. One of the major problems with this was that the then-common nu-metal artists, everyone from Disturbed to Godsmack to Otep and beyond, seemed to take themselves deadly serious. We're talking about Alice fucking Cooper here, though; if a Cooper album were completely serious, somebody's head would probably explode. (Again, Frank Zappa connection.) At the same time, though, Alice is not only less serious than these artists, but he's more serious (no, really), and has a real message (was there a message to Disturbed, et cetera?). On some level, you could say that Alice is overly preachy here, that he spends the album evangelizing on the nature of Hell and how all mankind are sinners. Well, yes, okay... but it's not like he's trying to convert us to Christianity, he's simply indicating the evils of the world. In all, agood message -- yeah, from the guy who wrote "School's Out."

It might be better to start this ~~flea circus~~ show at the very beginning, given its conceptual state. Generated in an era of semi-industrial hard-rock (following more along the Rammstein pattern, with its wry sense of humor), you'd be shocked to find that opening song "Triggerman" is basically just a psychedelic pop song with heavy guitar sounds as opposed to a lascerating 'links zwo drei vier!'-worthy death anthem. Boost this one a few more points with its lyrics from the point of view of Big Brother (with some mechanical effects applied to make the joke really sink in). What sets this apart from one of Alice's standard jokes, though? Black comedy has always been the Coop's modus operandi, situated somewhere between the nightmare and mildly creepy ends of the creepiness meter, but here Alice is intent on slamming it into the nightmare end. The first song is him doing his best to muster paranoia fuel incarnate -- and while he doesn't seem to be a master of that, "Triggerman" is at least a good rock song.

It's from here, though, that things take an interesting turn. A friend of mine called "Deeper" creepy. Said friend of mine had only ever been seen (by me) to be creeped out by one other thing, and that was Giygas. Even the second-most-nightmare-inducing boss I've yet run into, the mermaid boss in Rule of Rose, didn't much phase him. So, that stands as basically an explanation of how nasty this song is, as Alice leads you into an elevator straight to that place where Satan lurks. The fear of being trapped on a one-way street to the abyss, where anything could be lurking in the shadows, rides high throughout, and serves as the perfect introduction to "Dragontown," which is Hell itself, and appropriately dark and creepy.

For the most part though, the rest of the album is trivial, except the song "I Just Wanna Be God," which is a riot throughout, a truly humorous song that averts the creepiness of other parts of the album, but still proves that the Coop and his band are as great as they always have been... even if the band is not the same that came up with "I'm Eighteen" or, uh, anything on Billion Dollar Babies (you can choose your favorite), or even Welcome to My Nightmare. This is a much better band than chart success (yeah, right... the album scraped by at #197 or so without a trace) would have you believe. From here, the rest of the album is rather, again, trivial, but that's not to say you shouldn't listen to it. In terms of theme, the album retains a solid focus throughout and never stops being enjoyable, even if it's kind of preachy... but that's part of the point. The album succeeds on that level. One of the problems with the album, though, is that you might get bored with some songs, and particularly with being buried in social commentary on songs like "Fantasy Man" and "Somewhere in the Jungle" -- the latter of which, by the way, is certainly a haunting song about the Rwanda genocide, but, as would be expected of such a song, not easy to listen to.

The important point about this, though, is that, despite the occasional industrial and nu-metal stylings, this is essentially similar to just what Alice has always been doing, and the fact that it's been so forgotten is just unforgivable, especially since the media at large has a massive hard-on for 'classicism.' I recently purchased Stone Temple Pilots' self-titled album. Never in recent history have I heard so many uses of phrases such as 'Beatlesesque' thrown around. I just find it very odd that a media so obsessed with borrowing sound from classic rock records managed to only point out that this record borrows from a nu-metal sound and that it's a "good" record. The fact is, this record manages to visit the intended themes of the Coop's newest followers in the music industry, Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie, better that they have shown themselves able to. Songs like "Triggerman" and "I Just Wanna Be God" make the album a worthy purchase, while songs like "Deeper" and "Dragontown" show that the Coop is not only aging gracefully, but that he is still a true genius, because of just how many imitators he has generated. The 'nightmare' aspect Manson et al. go for in music, and which, in other media, something such as Eversion might seek, is done far better here than in such media, not to mention, the performance skill is great, considering it is, apparently, a nu-metal album.

By the way, I read somewhere that there's a 'special edition' of this album, but I have never actually been able to get hold of a copy of it.

*More well-read metalheads will tell you that this credit should go to Accept, among other bands, more than Metallica

Cosplay: Utena

2010-05-17T15:26:00.000-07:00

I really enjoy cosplay. I'm comfortable in the costumes, having my pictures taken, props, everything. But let it be said that sometimes the process isn't the most smooth of ones. There's lots of stops and starts, as well as quite a bit of experimentation -- even when an outfit's done you're still thinking of ways to improve it. Enter Utena. I've been working on this for about a month now, on and off -- probably about 15 hours of work total?

There's still a lot to be done. But have some process pictures!

This coat forms the bulk of the costume proper. What you're seeing here is all the parts just pinned on, therefore, it's still in need of a bunch of tailoring, as well as figuring out the collar bits. But I'm really happy with what's done so far!

Utena's shoes are of the 'tuxedo' sort. Unfortunately, they don't make ones like hers in a tuxedo style if you're on a budget. Since I needed a comfortable alternative, I did kind of a nifty thing. White converse can be bought at any store for around $20. They're basically the same shape as Utena's shoes, so what did I do? Paint them!

These are just a few odds and ends I've been making out of clay and painting. The Resin is currently cooling outside.

And there you have it! A cosplay in process.

OST Review: Final Fantasy XIII

2010-05-16T15:12:00.000-07:00

An OST review from one of our guest bloggers, Azkam.

Final Fantasy XIII OST (Standard English Edition)
Release: January 27, 2010
Length: 4:03:26

Azkam's Rating: 4/5

So What's the Deal?

First of all, I’d like to thank Sydney for bestowing upon me this wonderful 4-disc box of ear-candy. Delicious. The Final Fantasy XIII soundtrack—composed by Masashi Hamauzu—is mystical and epic; in other words, perfect adventure music. The abundance of high strings and military drums, as well as a strong brass section, lend to the imagery of vast landscapes both natural and man-made, and evoke emotions ranging from determination to desolation to hope. Seamlessly blended electronic and ambient elements, piano accents, and atonal/chromatic sections in individual pieces give the music a modern feel.

‘Prelude’ on Disc 1 sets the mood of the soundtrack perfectly, beginning with drums, chilly ambience, and low strings. Low brass is added, and the track builds to a triumphant, sweeping climax. I’d also like to mention track 2 on Disc 2, ‘The Promise’, which is arranged several times throughout the soundtrack. It is a sweet, delicate piece reflecting both sadness and love. I especially like the string/low brass outro.

Character Themes

Lightning has a beautiful theme. The piano and strings flow together wonderfully, weaving in and out of each other to create the image of a hero who pushes onward despite inner turmoil and hopelessness. Parts of this theme are used in Defiers of Fate (?), Blinded by Light, and a couple of other tracks.

Serah’s theme: in short, ‘The Promise’ with vocals.

Snow’s theme reminds me a lot of the Digital Devil Saga OST. Nice guitar sounds, but overall not a very memorable track—personally, I think it could have been more fast-paced.

Sazh’s theme is groovy! Although that was probably a given seeing as the character has a bird living in his ‘fro. The atonal guitar strumming provides an upbeat backdrop for yummy piano solos and some jazzy trumpets. Also, it provides alternating bars of 5/4 and 6/4 time. Craaaaazy.

Hope’s theme is a soothing acoustic guitar piece. Regardless of whether or not you like the kid, give this simple but emotional track a listen. Also used in Sustained by Hate, and This is Your Home.

Vanille has a light, simple piano theme that definitely reflects her optimistic outlook on life. Nice to listen to on a rainy day.

Fang’s theme sounds like it should be overworld music. It reminds me of the Kingdom Hearts orchestral pieces, and while that’s not a bad thing, I feel that it’s a bit too grand for one character.

‘Chocobos of Cocoon’ is an interesting electronic take on the famous theme, and is pleasant enough until the weird auto-tuned vocals come in. Eck. ‘Chocobos of Pulse’ is much better, featuring a syncopated trumpet melody and a great rhythm section.

TL;DR?

Tracks worth checking out:

Prelude

Saber’s Edge

Eternal Love (vocal track)

Blinded by the Light

Lightning’s Theme

Sazh’s Theme

Hope’s Theme

Chocobos of Pulse

Fabula・Nova・Crystallis (my favourite arrangement of ‘The Promise’)

Album Review: The Dresden Dolls - (self-titled)

2010-05-15T16:21:00.000-07:00

The Dresden Dolls - The Dresden Dolls
Release: September 26, 2003 (initial released)
April 27, 2004 (Roadrunner Records)
July 13, 2005 (Roadrunner Records Japan)
Genre: Alternative
Label: 8ft. Records (original release), Roadrunner Records (re-issue)

Length: 56:53

Nick's Rating: 3/5

Fuckin' A, I hate so many things that make 'obscure' music popular. As a for-instance, Guitar Hero, Rock Band, and games like that, all include 80% your standard fare in terms of guitar rockers, then they include one or two numbers that are slightly obscure that everyone latches on to and plays non-stop. Not that most of them aren't good, but now every pissant teenage Metallica-lover knows Voivod as if they were joined at the hip, and Judas Priest's "Painkiller" is the second-most-played Priest song on last.fm.

Almost as bad, or perhaps even worse, to me, are those people who like to call themselves 'nonconformists' and who all listen to the same shit. If you brought this to their attention, they'd probably call it irony, and be quick to explain to you that they didn't learn the word from Alanis Morrisette like half of America did. I've met a fair few of them, many of whom have given me music suggestions -- probably because I look a mess, wear black shirts, and don't listen to the radio. Of course, they neglect to note that the black shirts are my torso-covering of choice because they tend to have my preferred musical billboard emblazoned on them (Pink Floyd, Rush, Motorhead, you get the picture) and I don't listen to the radio because a) most songs I like are album cuts and often too long for radio play, and b) your average radio DJ tends to jabber like an idiot given so much as five seconds air time. They then proceed to torture us with whatever they feel like, from middle-of-the-road rock-and-roll wannabes to random tapes of mutually ego-stroking interviews. One time, a radio DJ actually aired a mashup of "Enter Sandman" and "Don't Stop Believin'" -- I wish I could make this up. I can't. He played a fucking mashup of fucking "Enter Sandman" and fucking "Don't Stop Believin'." I can't stop swearing and I think I'm going into spasms. I need to stop writing about this.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the so-called nonconformists. Well, one of them (who, incidentally, loves System of a Down and Metallica and Rush on top of his depressive shit) told me to listen to the Dresden Dolls (without even so much as lending me a CD, naturally), so I did. I found their two albums and one EP and found them all to be about average. The fact that they're as popular as they are is utterly staggering. It may just be because Amanda Palmer, lead singer and pianist for the duo, asserts that her middle name is "Fucking" (how hip! how edgy!), they appeared just on time to fill in the void of good music for goth kids left by three years' delay since The Cure's last album, the fact that their next just wasn't enough like either of the two Pornography trilogies (Seventeen Seconds-Faith-Pornography or Pornography-Disintegration-Bloodflowers), and because they were signed to Roadrunner Records for some reason; Roadrunner Records is a metal-centric label that also distributed Within Temptation and has, since adding Amanda Palmer and her drumming sex poppet Brian Viglione (I had to look up the spelling on that one), Megadeth, Opeth, Porcupine Tree, Airbourne, Trivium, and DragonForce. They don't seem to care about the music so much as being hip and trendy (which explains the Dresden Dolls being on their label), and their continuous cash grabs (Did you hear about them wanting to digitally re-edit a Palmer DVD to make her look thinner? Whoo! Unfortuate implications ahoy!) make them seem like a particularly unfunny Ed, Edd n Eddy episode, but instead of jawbreakers, their quest is the total domination of rock music.

Well, it's either that that's to blame, or their presence at the Ig Nobel Prize ceremony in 2002.

Regardless, the record itself is, well... modestly good, anyway. It's very even, and most of the lyrics are kind of funny, if not outright cute... sometimes, I can't tell if there's irony to be found or not in a place like the bridge of "Coin-Operated Boy," where Amanda, after having espoused the joys of having a coin-operated lover, tells us that it's to hammer in the despair... but it's clearly just a jokey song about how much better a sex toy is than a real man. Is this one of those Gary Cherone moments where she's actually mocking these people? You can call bullshit on this one as many times as you want, IT IS POSSIBLE! Yes, it's fully, FULLY possible that she fucking with us and telling us that people who are that sexual have problems with them and are constantly in despair and-- yeah, okay, you're right, that's a stupid idea. With its origins in cabaret, the music of the duo DOES have quotas to fill in the sexuality department.

Better than that song, though (while "Coin-Operated Boy" is a nice, harmless song, it's basically just a jokey monologue over a sparse backing track), is the lead single (shockingly, this album did have associated singles...) "Girl Anachronism," which resembles a moderately fast rocker, but trades guitar for piano, giving it something approaching an interesting sound. The lyrics aren't greatly interesting (Palmer lamenting that she was born in the wrong time -- what, making that kind of music? No shit?), but they're reasonably amusing, which gives it a few points. Of course, most of the whole album is pretty amusing in a sick, perverted way, which seems to be the only way Palmer knows how to be (cf. the "Evelyn Evelyn" project, wherein she and another perform as, apparently, a pair of conjoined twins in a circus who apparently had been involved in child pornography, or something else kind of stupid like that... which resulted in backlash from everyone ever aimed at everyone else).

A review I read of the album somewhere once began to intimate that this was a musical revolution of sorts, or at least that Palmer and Viglione (please don't make me ever have to spell that again) were originals. I guess, yeah, but they're so overrated as such. On this album, on Yes, Virginia..., on No, Virginia..., they seem to have a consistent problem of not getting the balance right. It's kind of heartbreaking, too; they seem like they could be so good if they'd just strike a freakin' balance between their black humor, their quirkiness, and decent songwriting, which comes and goes a little too quickly for my tastes. It makes perfect sense why hipster 'non-conformists' would latch onto this type of music, but it's just... not done well enough in many cases.

One last thing: next person who mentions that they're "Brechtian punk cabaret" to me is going to cause my head to explode. "Brechtian punk cabaret," Palmer's description of the musical genre, is a fake genre, which she devised to dodge being called "goth." Hilariously, most of the people who bought her record are probably exactly the people who buy every other record that gets called "goth." So much for that plan, miss Palmer. Is that why you wrote "Backstabber?" This reasoning is probably the same that Emilie Autumn used when she came upon "Victoriandustrial" (to keep faux-goth kids who wouldn't understand the music or the pain from buying it) -- and in a cruel twist, you can find that at Hot Topic. No word on the Dolls' material, but then again, it's not like I actually like any of their records enough to even consider buying them.

Note to self, start reviewing more records you properly like.

The Wheel Of Fate Is oh nevermind.

2010-05-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

BlazBlue's logo, in which all the letters are trying to desperately get away from each other as quickly as possible.

I'm not really here to fault BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger's recycling of characters from the Guilty Gear series. Arc System works is small and not all that wealthy and making detailed, high-res sprites is pretty costly, so I can understand if at some point they sat around the table, grabbed a general sketch of Potemkin, and thought, "Well, how can we re-use most of this and still make a pretty different character? You see, Guilty Gear 2 didn't work out so great, and..."

Iron Tager--Potemkin after Science!

What I really don't want to forgive BlazBlue for is its horrible, horrible character designs. I cannot stress this enough. They are bad. They manage to be both repulsive and utterly forgettable at the same time. Say what you will about their personalities, the storyline, the actual battle system and the quality of the sprites, but strictly speaking in terms of character designs, I want to headbutt Toshimichi Mori and/or Yuuki Katou, whoever is the most responsible for this mess.

Maybe we should start with how every single character in BlazBlue seems to have been dreamed up by a man who was holding a What's Hot & What's Not chart of stylistic anime trends in his other hand, and following it to the letter. Exhibit A: Ragna the Bloodedge, a name not quite as embarrassing as "Edge Maverick" but still pretty up there.

Ragna the Bloodedge, also featured: his inner .::*Darkness*::.

Ragna is kind of an amalgam of various things that I am tired of seeing in anime: swooshy-spiky hair of a color that doesn't really exist (there's gray, there's platinum blonde and then there's sterling silver) coupled with a twenty-third century samurai getup, with additional belt buckles for good measure. When I saw the animated opening to the game as Ragna displayed his Suiseiseki eyes to music that could well be featured in a Rozen Maiden spin-off, I just wanted to think "No, this isn't serious, the eyes are just a parody by the designers, who are of course self-aware of how wall-punchingly generic this guy is", but no, the opening continues, Ragna gets into a dramatic sword fight with Jin Kisaragi (read: Ky plus Ice), and the drama unfolds. That's Ragna for you: a Sol Badguy tweaked for modern sensibilities.

Noel Vermillion sports the world's shortest tie

A side-effect of trying to cater endlessly to the contemporary anime crowd is the attempt to cram way too many things into one design. I can only imagine that Noel is the result of Mori and Katou making a bet on who could come up with a character who featured as many fetish evokers as possible. Her infuriatingly useless ribbons and Apple-designed handguns are one thing; her detached sleeves, bare back and absolute territory are another. (Even sadder is the story of Litchi, a vaguely oriental chick and also the vehicle for more boobs.) BlazBlue's character designers enjoy the technology to reproduce all their zippers and straps in-game with some degree of fidelity, and this doesn't seem have done any good for their judgment of when a design is way too goddamn busy. Echoing on my post regarding the character designs of Rival Schools, I'd like to put these guys in the PS1 era and see what they did with themselves.

I guess the amateurish quality of the art is not doing them any favors either. Character portraits for BlazBlue: Continuum Shift are at least a step up in this regard, with the fighters in more interesting and dynamic poses.

You know, the Guilty Gear games also had some pretty crazy character designs, but they existed in this magical midnight metal carnival sort of atmosphere that characters like I-No embodied so well. The cast of BlazBlue is given a bland synthpop world in which they can just exist while looking pretty and lending themselves to endless badly-drawn fan art. It's not even elegant, it's just... boring, and you know people will lap it up but that will not make it any less boring.

Thanks to Creative Uncut for images.

Album Review: Emilie Autumn - Opheliac

2010-05-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

Emilie Autumn - Opheliac

Release: September 1, 2006

Genre: Alternative

Label: Trisol Music Group, The End Records

Length: 1:25:41

Nick's Rating: 3.5/5

In my initial review of this record, I said that it had a whole of one really good song and was disgustingly overrated. Let it be said, though, that a month or so worth of letting the record 'settle' will do wonders for your opinion of something. To me, it's this fact that doomed so many records to critical laughing stock status (e.g. Good For Your Soul, Technical Ecstacy), while some of the more undeserving records got showered in praise (Chinese Democracy, to name but one). The professional critic has a deadline to keep and must, therefore, make snap judgements about records he has maybe two days to digest before the review has to be posted. In some cases, the 'snap judgement' approach results in a few critics worth reading, such as Robert Christgau, but otherwise, the quality tends to be low at best. Reading All Music Guide reviews becomes a chore when you want to find informed reviews. In the most roundabout way possible, your average AMG review tells you an album exists, and no more.

I don't mean to sing the praises of average Joe/Jane on the Intarwebs, though, at the same time. Snap judgements come from these users as well, f the sort that can typically boil down to "artist = 5/5" -- in which case, I'll take Mark Prindle first, even at his worst. I have this problem at times, too; with my review of Traced In Air, I had to avoid giving it an instant 5/5. When I thought about Pornograffiti, my first thought was "5/5 slam dunk and most important album of the early 90s" -- but it wasn't. These albums are good, but if my favorite album of a generation can't even get a 5/5 (cf. Traced In Air), you have to imagine just how special a record has to be to get that high a rating. However, that's not really the point, since Opheliac gets a 3.5/5 from me. In the end, that means it's pretty solid, but not the genius masterwork that everyone claims it is. The reasons for this are reasonably few but reasonably glaring.

The first problem is simply the sound. On whole, the album is indigestible. The album makes as much sense together as a good album-length piece should, but at the same time, it makes none at all. The sound of fake genre "Victoriandustrial" used to label her music goes together reasonably well, but then, at the same time, most paradoxically (and amusingly, for that matter), it doesn't at all. The harsh sound of the album (an appropriate backing to the lyrics, which read as one long fuck-you to every man who's ever hurt her) seems very out of place with the actual beauty found in these measures. The main problem with the sound, then, comes from trying to be too many things at once. Autumn wants to borrow a sound from classical music as much as she does from the sound Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails assembled in the early 1990s. Classical music is meat to evoke a variety of moods, of settings; all the Reznor sound can depict is rage and discontent. As such, this combination shortchanges the whole idea of having anything beautiful coming out of your speakers.

Next, we have songwriting. I firmly believe, first of all, that any artist who writes a song called "The Art of Suicide" or "Dead Is the New Alive" cannot be taken seriously. I'm sorry, but I'm just not a fan of someone using generic My Chemical Romance-esque titles for songs. It's distressing, considering everyone considers Autumn to be a great songwriter. Despite songs titled so, Autumn actually does manage to write a few good songs. Clearly she's trying to go for the depressive end of proceedings (no surprise; she completed the record so she wouldn't kill herself), which may explain her otherwise inexplicable popularity. Most of the songs, most of the songs, are good, if their sentiments seem a tad generic and repetitive (see above for a statement of the album's subject matter).

In my first take on the album, I stated the album had a sum total of one good song. I must, however, redact this. There are four. However, together they take up less than twenty minutes... on an 86-minute double-CD. Taken together they form just under twenty percent of the record's full length. That's reasonably above average, since the rest of the CD, with few exceptions, has nothing wrong with it other than the over-arching problems, that the song-writing is repetitive as fuck and the music Emilie wants to make is a mindfuck and hard to listen to in large quantities. The songs I'm referring to, of course, are "Liar," which grants an industrial spin to modern pop music and creates a vocal hook using nightmarish descriptions about (maybe) wanting to reclaim someone who wronged her; "I Want My Innocence Back," which is rather a lamentation, but the sheer monotony is charming; "I Know Where You Sleep," an angry rant where she tries to just do that; and "Let the Record Show," a bit of a last hoorah where it's kind of a shock that she doesn't drop clusters of F-bombs. "Gothic Lolita" comes close for being a massive disparagement of those who suffer (though they'd say otherwise) from Lolita Complex, and almost passes for amusing.

The music is reasonably solid. The voice is a good enough forgery of Annie Lennox to be cute. The lyrics are acceptable. In all, this is one of those overrated albums that will be loved and adored and salivated all over by fans of similar neo-goth ladies with boldness about their sexuality, such as Amanda Palmer (The Dresden Dolls) and could, er... probably find a place next to albums by Rasputina or Nick Cave or a bunch of other artists that eventually got pieces copy-pasted into Autumn's railery-infused gestalt. There's a certain level of genius behind an album like this, which manages to be simultaneously deeply original (the closest she has to an imitator, that I can detect, is Hannah Fury, who comes across as just a cute, empty, spacey girl... while Emilie gives off a vibe such that, if you ran into her in the street, and she were holding anything even remotely sharp, you might wanna run away really fast) and not even a little bit so.

As a closing remark, I still hate Emilie's fanbase, for losing their shit about sexy pictures of her in Bizarre (I think it was), and for losing their shit about those within the fandom losing their shit. Considering her blatant sexuality, someone's pretty much missing the point; would this kind of wank appear if the Red Hot Chili Peppers, just as a fer-instance, appeared in a magazine with their cocks out? I wouldn't wank that wank, that's for sure. Fanatics theorize the next album will be metal-oriented and done better than most modern metal artists, which has my hopes galvanized, but there is no fanbase I think I can trust less than that of Emilie Autumn's. Asking Autumn's fanbase what they think the next album will be like is like asking Axl Rose what he thinks of Chinese Democracy; no matter what you get, 99% of it will be hollow ego-stroking.

And yet it floats.

2010-05-05T20:49:00.000-07:00

Sol Ciel, from Ar tonelico: Melody of Elemia [PS2].

I like floating islands; they're nice and romantic for the most part. If the JRPG is all about high-flying adventure with a rag-tag bunch of loveable cartoons, I can't think of a whole lot of better settings. It's unfortunate, then, that it's so commonly wasted.

Logic tells us that whoever or whatever takes residence on a piece of land that happens to be drifting in the sky has a powerful reason. Either they want to keep everyone else out or desperately want to keep something in. The first option doesn't appeal to me much; "lost tribes" in JRPG's often consist of hermetic, three hundred-year old douchebags in robes who hide the secret to the world's salvation but won't share it with you, because they keep their scepters rammed up their sphincters when they're not using them.

On the other hand, the idea of travelling to some forgotten prison or mausoleum that sits solemn in the upper stratosphere is worthy of pants-creaming. Scenario: You have to retrieve the sacred heirloom of the ancient royal family, who, as undead ghouls, riot within their stately palace-tomb. Another: You have to put down an unfathomable evil, shackled within a God-forsaken fortress and magically lifted to the skies so no foolhardy adventurer would ever try. Imagine the dread.

But for the most part, floating islands seem tacked-on, like afterthoughts. It's like the scenario writer and the concept artist just finished designing all the endless deserts and twinkling crystal castles and sleepy villages, but now they feel the world they've concieved isn't fantasy enough. Okay, make it float!

Eden, from Atelier Iris II: The Azoth of Destiny [PS2].

I guess all these people went to sleep one night, woke up, looked around, and thought "Oh, we're sky people now I guess that's nice".

Maybe I wouldn't be so displeased with this trend if a little originality was injected into the process. Most floating islands float due to a.) a reason that is not immediately obvious but certainly magical, or b.) a reason that is immediately obvious and certainly magical. (Read: giant chunks of crystal sticking out of its underside. I've had it with crystals.)

Perhaps they need to stop being so utopian and start being a little menacing. What about applying the island-turtle concept? The difference would be that, while the unassuming party may not be aware that they've set up camp on a gargantuan sea-monster's back, the denizens of the sky would have to be fully aware that they're riding on a gentle gas giant, wrapped in clouds and thin air. Whoever is willing to live somewhere like that is cool with me.

Thanks to Creative Uncut for pictures.

Ryuusei KIIIIIICK!!

2010-05-03T19:09:00.000-07:00

I've always been partial to many of Capcom's in-house artists for many different reasons. A big reason is their healthy emphasis on functionality.

Given how Capcom invented the modern fighter, I imagine that many of their founding character designers must have sat down and looked at this new breed of video game and realized that characters had to be explosively appealing. There's a flimsy vestige of a storyline and a few win/lose quotes, but most if not all 'character development' is going to take place on a two-dimensional battlefield, with fluidly-animated sprites to answer any questions. Not the sillier questions like "Why is he fighting?", which would only spring forth from someone with a well-cemented interest in the game, but more immediate questions like "What does this guy do? Is he awesome?"

Edayan is in the high tier of Capcom artists, and has contributed to the Street Fighter series countless times. He was also responsible for designing the cast of the sadly forgotten tag-team fighter Rival Schools: United By Fate, a game about dueling high school students where every other character profile includes the term "hot-blooded". It looks, plays and inspires like a passionately-drawn shounen manga does.

Batsu Ichimonji, P.E. enthusiast and protagonist of the two-game series, exudes the raw, youthful, organic drive that The King of Fighters' sleeker Kyo Kusanagi, who also started off as a uniformed schoolboy, doesn't really capture. If he calls out the names of his attacks, which are things like "Justice Kick", and suddenly scarlet flames envelop his leg as he dropkicks you into the Moon, you will understand that this is what Batsu does. Even though Rival Schools for the PS1 was a bit of a graphical mess (moreso for some characters than others), his defining features, the way in which every part of his outfit, appearance and personal style cooperate to form a coherent portrait, shine through the limited technology.

Long before Persona 3 capitalized on Westerners' fervent desire to play as a Japanese high school student, Rival Schools included a day-by-day, life-simulation side-game where you got to know the characters better. [It was left out of the NA release.] This was the kind of thing that senior artists like Akiman and CRMK perhaps didn't anticipate when Street Fighter II was still in the works, but instead of promoting looser design, Rival Schools continues to tell the majority of its story with pictures. The exclamation mark-laden dialogue, full of earnest promises and friends cheering friends on, is almost an accessory to the many visual clues that, for example, visiting the characters at the pool or the beach would provide.

Roberto Miura plays soccer. We know that much from his outfit, and it makes sense when he lobs soccer balls at opponents in battle. The fact that he wears his face-covering visor even to the school pool adds another layer of teasing interest to him; are we ever going to see his eyes? Is he like one of those characters from some TV shows that is never shown from the neck up? The fact that Edge, a purple-clad punk who looks like the lovechild of Benimaru Nikaido and Ryuji Yamazaki, lets his unicorn-hair down in the pool says just about as much on him. Why does Gan, whose bulging muscles can barely be contained by an XXL uniform, wear a full bathing suit? What the crap is he afraid of?

When the studio behind Street Fighter II decided to invite a cast of warriors from around the world into the ring, this concept of characters wearing their nationalities, hobbies and personalities on their sleeves must have weighed heavy on the designers' minds. It's a philosophy that was carried on marvelously to Rival Schools, where Justice High School (for full effect, say that out loud and say it intensely) is alive with little everyday scenes. You can imagine spectacular martial arts showdowns taking place over lunch, in the showers, during the last inning of a baseball game. This is the kind of memorable design that I greatly respect most Capcom fighters for; it's coherent, unified and masterfully executed, and it's more than I can say for many contemporary games in the genre. Maybe that makes the characters cartoons--it almost certainly makes the whole game a cartoon--and I personally love that.

Thanks to The Fighters Generation and Creative Uncut for images.

Let's dance, boys.

2010-05-03T04:48:00.000-07:00

Bayonetta

Developer: Team Little Angels [Platinum Games]

Publisher: SEGA

Genre: Action

Platform: XBox 360, PlayStation 3

Rating: 5 / 5 [PURE PLATINUM]

Bayonetta is a game of ecstatic excess. Pumping bullets from heel-mounted, lilac handguns at colossal angels with exquisite rococo-style carvings while standing on a rocketing missile, then finishing the battle by invoking the hellhound Gomorrah to drag the enemy down to Hell--piecemeal--is what it's about. While other, extremely well-established franchises are taking a look at their basic mechanics and trimming the fat (to mixed responses), Bayonetta, a new IP from the indomitable imagination of Hideki Kamiya, makes sure to establish a solid base (a fluid, intensely satisfying battle system) and build a cathedral-crystal-palace-coliseum-department store on top.

I don't really know what Kamiya's intentions were with the story, which includes time travel and the world's equilibrium being shattered. Perhaps he was "flinging shit at a wall", as Tim Rogers aptly put it when reviewing Shinji Mikami's brainchild, the venerable God Hand. Back in January, Lisa Foiles argued that the game may be "too serious" to function within the unabashedly campy ambiance that it created, but I disagree. Just like every other aesthetic element in Bayonetta, including Elena Noguerra's sighs-abound rendition of "Fly Me to the Moon" and the uplifting ecclesiastical pieces reserved for boss battles, all the dialogue and exposition can be taken with a grain of salt or with utmost gravitas, if that's your kind of thing.

Bayonetta follows the development of the titular [hehe, tits] protagonist, as sealed memories return and her origin, purpose and the truth about the "Eyes of the World" are unveiled. In all frankness, Bayonetta is the force that the game's universe orbits around. Secondary characters uncover various facets of her; Enzo and Rodin help us put her power into perspective, Jeanne allows her humanity to blossom (and provides obligatory lesbian overtones), and Cerezita is the catalyst for some incredibly sweet moments. Despite being in a leather-bound, underworld-disco suit, sporting a beehive hairdo with spirit tags woven in, and being roughly seven feet tall, Bayonetta is the most convincing mother figure I've seen in a video game since Miranda in Grandia III. (And that's just about the only nice thing I can say about Grandia III.)

Bayonetta is really a fascinating character; I could talk about her as much, or more, than I could talk about her game. Video games have passed down a number of endearing traditions when it comes to sexualizing women; Japan is fond of innocence interrupted (via peeping tom in the hot springs or gratuitous panty-shots), while America has given us serious strippers: women who are, in theory, held to the same standards as men, but lounge around in chainmail brassieres and curvaceous space suits. (I am reminded of God of War, when the Oracle conveys very serious information to Kratos... while topless.) Bayonetta takes a third option, giving you her sexuality on a silver platter. Through her butterfly double-jumping and skyscraper-throwing, Bayonetta reclaims what the Boss [Metal Gear Solid 3] couldn't, and what Gears of War 3's upcoming female character probably won't, either: the notion that women don't have to sacrifice their femininity to be competent.

And this is why, while some girl gamerz were huffing and puffing over Bayonetta's polished ass being plastered all over their favorite video game websites, the game is really the ultimate kiss-and-bitchslap to Eastern and Western nerd culture. Bayonetta's extraneous proportions already place her outside the realm of Standard Sexy. (This hasn't stopped Playboy from a--probably NSFW--misguided attempt at capitalizing on the character.) That doesn't mean she's not intimidating. She will provoke you whether you want her to or not. She cannot be corrupted like a prepubescent anime girl can, nor is she trying too hard, like the rough-and-tumble tomboy who is ultimately bested by the male protagonist.

Bayonetta is not only an incredibly entertaining game, packed with so much love and attention to detail that eventually you start wondering if every single thing is a reference. It's also a playful, cheeky critique of the portrayal of females in video games. Best of all, it doesn't do this by getting on a high horse and preaching to sexually frustrated teenagers; it revels in the conventions established by the fanbase, and gives them exactly what they want--but remains out of reach. Bayonetta is untouchable; her raw power, ability to sidestep logic whenever convenient, and full awareness (and enjoyment) of her sexuality are what make her one of a kind.

Maybe this is more an appreciative article on Bayonetta the character and what she says about video game females. But my point is: get the game. You'll have tons of fun with the rewarding mechanics, which have naturally evolved from Devil May Cry, and you'll almost certainly laugh out loud right after your jaw drops. And I played the PS3 version! I don't think I can possibly deliver any higher praise than that.

(Okay, how's this? Best game I've played this generation.)

On the topic of Platonic Love

2010-05-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

While on vacation in Barbados, one of the many things I decided to tackle head on was that dreaded DS game, Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 days (I still have no idea what this means and please do not attempt to explain it to me.) Fanbase of Kingdom Hearts aside (also see: throwing it into a deep, dark pit where thirteen year old girls can writhe in their throes of bishonen ecstasy until they grow up and clamber out the sides) I am actually rather fond of the game series. It was a massive mixture of Disney and Square Enix Nostalgia; People who didn't play games picked it up for the princesses (as was the case with my friend Sarah) and people who did play games picked it up because apparently Cloud mugged Vincent and stole his clothes before hitting the road on a massive hitchhiking spree to Athens.

Okay, let's bring a little bit of context into this. Let's get this out there: I missed every generation of consoles before about 2002. My heart had always been in games, yes, but they were primarily this ephemeral thing that my dad brought home with him. RTSs like Red Alert and Empire Earth on the computer, a peek at an SNES here and there; which I honestly don't remember much of as the SNES era began on the date of my birth and ended around the time I was six, and most of this time was spent on the computer instead. I don't have many of the memories that gamers only slightly older than me do, or the ones who had a playstation instead of an N64. My first Final Fantasy was X-2, and I had no idea what was going on but I still had a great time playing it. Therefore, most of my late teens geek life has revolved around obtaining these titles that I've missed, filling in my library, playing them, and generally pretending that I knew what it was like when these things came out.

Therefore, when I first played Kingdom Hearts, I wasn't driven by Disney, nor was I really aware of Final Fantasy. They were both non-entities in my life as I was past the point of actively viewing Disney films (although I had experienced close to all of them. Except Tarzan.) And, well, my PS2 had finally started working and I had a grand total of three games for it. (This probably explains my love for Star Ocean 3 as well -- it was the first game that actually worked on my poor old PS2.)

This was a magical little gem of a game. The protagonists were fourteen years old, at best. There was your goofy looking kid, his literally goofy sidekicks, the mysterious prettyboy/rival, and the token princess chick. It was all about light and darkness and tried to be metaphorical and deep -- and was rather trite, in hindsight, if you take it at face value. There is no metagame to Kingdom Hearts. It was a story about nothing more than innocence. Unlike a lot of media at the time, no aspects of the real 'loss' of innocence were involved other than in the most base of terms. There was good, and there was the evil inside of everyone, and a mysterious force of destiny, and that was it. The ending was the epitome of bittersweet and I think it was the first ending of a game I actually ever cried at. (Also was probably one of the first games I beat once I actually got into 'real' gaming. I am setting aside all gameboy and N64 games, because, well, I always completed Pokemon and in Ocarina of Time I was too scared to do anything so I just threw chickens around for days on end.)

The second game came out in my first year of highschool, probably the waning year of my rabid frothing fangirl-ism. I looked forward to it because it was probably one of my earlier game sequels that I was actually there for, and, well, it came out on a day that I had off, so I just took it to the basement and played the hell out of the damn thing. It was everything I wanted to be; it coincided perfectly with my own adolescent sense of heightened drama and coolness and sparkles and did I mention drama? The characters were sufficiently pretty, the lines were clean and simple, and I really think it's the only thing I have liked from Nomura since he became lead designer. Well, the sketchy things, at least, and the watercolours or more pastel-y illustrations. They fit the mood.

The first game was an expression in innocence with very little parts 'coming of age' story. It's just a kid trying to get home. Oh, and save his friends along the way. Maybe everybody around him seems to be growing up too fast?

In the second game, we see that the protagonist has jumped ahead two/three years in age without ever really 'growing up', so we've got this weird kid who's not really naive, but I hesitate to use the word innocent. He's got a lot of responsibility on his shoulders, and he knows it. There is a world to save, they're the only ones that can do it, and it's silly and cute and wonderful. But still all he really wants to do is go home. Oh, and save the other friend this time. It's more of a coming of age story this time, except it's still really subtle and not-so-much there; the character's really skipped that breaking-into-teenager part of his life and really the plot is more concerned with questions of What is our existence, why are we here, what's our purpose, WHO DOES ORGANIZATION 13 WORK FOR, Is there really a darkness in everyone's hearts that can't be extinguished--

And ultimately, can we ever go home?

Light and Darkness and yadda yadda yadda aside, the game answers all of these questions in a highly cliched manner. They're silly and childish, and they handle a lot of older characters with the traditional Squeenix drama, but therein lies the point. The whole second game is about that sense of childhood that we remember, that nostalgia just out of reach, that we're trying to get to and keep with us and we know that we're older and we can't go back but it was nice anyway. Sora's always looking for his old life back, even though the people around him have changed so much that they're really beyond the point of ever really being the way they were. He breaks down in tears at his friend's feet because it's another sign of things finally being alright again. There's a world to save, there are people to defeat, destinies to uncover -- but he's got that little bit of home back. Axel, in all ways a gigantic bishonen character, longs for things to be back the way they were -- a simpler time, or so he thinks, where all of them can just be friends and nothing can go wrong. But it does. And he knows for a fact that they're older. So he dies a death full of melodrama and teen angst. I still bawled.

And in the end, through faith, they all go home. The golden trio get to their island, the nobodies find peace in death, and maybe everybody really can meet again in the next life.

It's a story about hope.

Now, you know what ruins it for me? The fangirls. I know, I was one of them once, pairing up anything hot that moved. But this condition has lasted long beyond the 14-year-old-girl phase. Some people never get rid of it, I guess. With the introduction of Organization 13, they've got a whole treasure trove of slightly feminine boys to pick from. (I have to say that I have a slight thing for Luxord's facial hair. Mmm, neatly trimmed goatees.)

Because of all this innocence in the game -- that being the entire point -- it just comes off as inherently wrong to me. It's like trying to sexualize a Disney movie. You could try to do it, and it works well in theory, but in practice the whole action seems inherently like wish fulfillment. The game is about Friendship. There was no sex going on behind the scenes here, or at least, it's a non-entity, a seeming missing element that was nonetheless inherent to the plot. If one tries to take it as romantic love, they're getting it all wrong. You could call it friendship, in loosest terms, but I like to see it as the love and devotion shared between the closest of friends, the ones who you would move mountains for and end up in jail with. The hope that they're still alright, the quasi-family status they attain, the vague sense of comfort.

Sexualization makes it all wrong. It's about longing for the past, and the acceptance of things that have changed, but not for the worse. About the love between friends, about hope, and the generalized good and evil and grey area inbetween where kids ask who am I?

The island of Barbados resembles the one from the game in a very loose sense. I laid on my back and let myself be pulled out by the tide; I got cut by coral, I got salt in my eyes, I got burned by the sun, but it was beautifully visceral and I was utterly at peace. Reminded of days lost, days found, lazy days I didn't know what to do with, and active ones that I let fly by. And again, that beautiful bittersweet that comes from an ending where you got what you wanted, but at what cost? It's not a poginant or wonderful game for the DS, but it carries the feeling along with it.

I beat it and got teary eyed.

Game Typography

2010-05-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

Shin Megami Tensei:Persona has to be one of my favourite games on the market. Being a graphic design student, I can't help but notice some of the design choices made by game developers to their series. Especially typography. While admiring the various items that came with the game Persona, I got down to thinking: When old games are updated, how do we go from things like the image on the left to the image on the right?

It's easiest to analyze the typographical scemes of games based on the time period they were created in. The first Persona, released in 1996, features an occult, mystical, 'dark' typographic form. Compare this to its modern remake on the PSP, which features a streamlined, techno-inspired type, carrying on a design asthetic seen in later Persona titles (IE Persona 3 and 4, released in 2006 and 2008, respectively.) Over the course of ten years, we go from a highly decorate form that carries a personality all its own to a streamlined sans-serif font. Original games were fighting to prove themselves as 'different' amongst a sea of titles vying for attention. Now that games have given themselves a solid base, they're leaning towards legibility as opposed to creativity.

Now, although the new texts in many games are far more 'streamlined', the text is working just as hard. Doesn't a streamlined text give its own connotations? You can't just take away the garishness of old texts and leave a blank slate for yourself to look at. Compare this change to another medium, for example, advertising. Think of the change from pre-WWII ads to the helvetica-infused ads of today. It's like Sans-Serif is taking over the universe!

With the rapid consumption of any sort of information nowadays, legibility is considered far more important than display value. If you're flicking your eyes across a wall of games, you need to be able to read it instantaneously lest it be passed over. Unfortunate, but true.

To end; I like the new persona logo better, but I hate the little 'shin megami tensei' bit all shoved into the corner there. Looks like an ugly afterthought.

Album Review: Cynic - Traced In Air

2010-05-01T21:15:00.000-07:00

Cynic - Traced In Air
Release: November 17, 2008 (Europe); November 25, 2008 (US)
Genre: Metal
Label: Season of Mist Records
Length: 32:54

Nick's Rating: 4.5/5

In the world of today's heavy metal music, metal just isn't metal unless it's extreme (i.e. extreme metal subgenres meaning thrash, black, death, or doom... not the band, which, if you mention around most metal fans, you may be disemboweled). Every group, and I mean every group, incorporates bits and pieces of any of those, especially the first three, that it's almost like these groups want to prove record companies right about the Loudness War, that loud music IS good. It's kind of jarring, for instance, in an Epica album, to jump between opera vocals and death growls. Groups wanting to show their chops do it with long, long, loooooooooooooooong passages that are so generic, such an obcious trope, that, even though I was raised on Yes and Pink Floyd and ELP and all those other bands that codified that arrangement style in a rock context, it makes me ill. Okay, John Petrucci, you're a good guitarist. Thank you. I get the point. Please finish the song. I've heard this before, and others at least had it in them to do something original.

Cynic's sound is something that dodges the latter fully and rewrites the former. The best way to describe this band is "space metal." No, not in the sense that Arjen Anthony Lucassen (Ayreon and all his other graphomanias) wants us to think of with his Star One project (especially with its first album being called Space Metal), nor is this UFO (who often were called "space metal," though at best they were either or); the sound of Cynic's Traced In Air is unlike anything else that's readily available. It has a little bit of jazz, a little bit of death metal, a little bit of classic prog-metal, a little bit of guitar fireworks, a little bit of Hawkwind, even a little bit of indie-rock. Few if any bands can actually combine all of this together in one place; most of them don't even understand all of them, and few if any of them could understand how these could go together. Well, despite the fact that it doesn't so much shift the standard metal paradigms as it does tell them to screw themselves and it just does what it pleases, it works, and it works better than 99% of modern metal albums.

The album spans eight songs and just over half an hour. The longest song is shorter than seven minutes. Musically speaking, it's as technically-proficient as Opeth or Dream Theater. By itself, this is pretty shocking. If you don't believe it... well, you're entirely entitled. It doesn't sound like it makes much sense. In the end, though, it's totally reasonable. The songs all truck along at midpace, but they use interesting arrangements, using pauses and dynamics more impressively than many twice-as-beloved groups do today. The riffs are complex enough to reveal their skills, but simple enough to keep you from focusing exclusively on that unless you actually want to; the complexity, unlike with Dream Theater, is not flagrant or in your face, nor is it ever the sole purpose of any song on the album.

On top of that, the sound is very detailed. The folks who mastered the album did so intelligently, with real concern for the sound of the record, which is more than you could say for most other metal records. In fact, 99% of all records produced these days are too loud and sound like sandpaper, regardless of genre. I dare you to listen to Vapor Trails at full blast without getting a headache. By comparison, the sound quality of Traced In Air is marvelous. You can hear every instrument. You can clearly hear the multitracking of vocals. Paul Masvidal takes up an interesting technique on this album; all his non-growled vocals are sung through a vocoder. Often, he will growl the vocals, then have the vocoder/'normal' voice on top of them. This just adds to the spacy atmosphere of the record. If nothing else, this album should be praised for having something of an actual unifying feeling or atmosphere behind it other than just being pillaging songs.

Traced In Air is the sort of album that metal needs more of; heavy, but not afraid to be listenable. It shows chops, but doesn't let the displays overstay their welcome. You know they're good, and that they're very good, but that's it, and that was probably all you wanted to know in the first place. It would be kind of pointless to name specific song titles as far as what's the best on this record, but if you're only looking for one song, maybe "Integral Birth." Or maybe "Evolutionary Sleeper." Or maybe "King of Those Who Know." Or maybe... just any of them. They're all amazing.

I wouldn't call this album "perfect," though. It has two defects, but thankfully, both are plenty minor. The first is that, for as unique as the sound of Traced In Air is, it's basically just the same as Focus, their first album, in many, many, many respects. Of course, why, indeed, should one mess with a good formula? Keeping a formula sure helped basically every pop or power-metal act ever, didn't it? More annoying, though, is the length. You'll be paying full-price, or probably more (my copy cost about fifteen dollars when I ordered it from Amazon), for something shorter than the average LP. By the time you finish, you'll be left wanting more. Compared to many other albums by many other bands who want to borrow that "progressive death metal" sound, Traced In Air is a light snack to their endless banquets. Despite that, this is just a minor worry. After all, a) modern CD players, as well as MP3 players, have the ability to auto-repeat the whole album, b) if you have a vinyl edition (if that was released, and I think it was...), how much effort does it truly take to get up and flip the record back over and re-set the tone arm, especially if you've already done it once, and c) if you still haven't had enough, fear not; the band is coming out with an EP full of extras, including an unreleased song.

That said, I can't say it enough; you need this album and you need it now. Even if you just listen to it once, deem it crap and hand it off to a friend whose ears you want to torture (and considering you just marked this album crap...), listen to it at least once. Buy the album. This is a band that needs some more recognition, lest they be buried under artists who follow the examples of Evanescence, etc. under the assumption that that's real metal music, or that proficiency is shown only by marking how long you can jack your guitar off while playing modestly-impressive riffs at super-fast undigestible speeds. Traced In Air doesn't bother with any of that... and that's why it's great.

Planning an Outfit

2010-05-01T20:38:00.000-07:00

For the convention season next year, which starts roughly around the end of May with Anime North, I've decided to really test my skills on something I've recently had my attention drawn toward.

Gundam Girls were originally created as a friendly option for costumers to try to create to wear to conventions. Personifications -- or 'tans' -- of various inanimate objects or animals is not uncommon, but Gundam Girls sort of fall into the category between 'slightly sexual' and 'OH MY GOD A GIANT ROBOT BUT IT'S A CHICK THIS IS AWESOME'.

As a giant geek for everything mecha (I've previously mentioned my penchant for building Gundam Models, right?) It's a great way to combine my love of mecha, love of cosplay, and love of just straight out building stuff. This costume will require a whole lot of planning. What will I make it out of? How will all the parts stay together? Is it going to need wiring, cooling systems, extra batteries, an attendant to walk around with? Pretty easy to know where to start. Same as anything else: Research!

To start my cosplay I picked out a few mobile suits that I like the design of, and would want to re-create in a slightly 'cuter' form.

Here we have two of my favourite mobile suits to pick from, from left to right: Nu Gundam and Sazabi. They're both fairly structured suits, so it's easy to see each part and how it fits with all the other parts. It's much easier if you have a model kit of each mobile suit to see how they're put together. Once I have that down -- well, at least the EXTERNAL structure -- I'll start with an image of how I want the finished product to look. For general ease I'll use a plan that I created for the Sazabi Mobile Suit.

This will involve leg pieces, some sort of body suit, arm plates, a backpack booster unit, a gigantic shield, and a modified helmet. Figuring out how it'll all hook up together can wait for now. We'll go into 'How I am going to construct this' first. After a bit more research, I've decided that my basic construction procedure will go as follows:

Create the base skeleton of the outfit out of thin cardboard. This will include latticework for stability, grooves for parts to hook onto other parts, harnesses for wear, underlayers, etc.
Parts that need extra stability or moulding will be covered with expanding foam, and then carved into the required shapes. This will create the rounded surface parts of the basic suits (Unfortunately, Sazabi has A LOT Of smooth surfaces. Probably why I like it so much.)
The entire suit will be paper mached. (This step may be taken out during later plan revisions, depending on wonderflex tests.)
Wonderflex will be applied to the shaped skeleton for a plastic-like finish and hard outer shell.
The wonderflex will be painted and airbrushed the bright red of Sazabi, with most decals.
Each piece of armor will be individually coated with Friendly Plastic in order to create a thin layer of 'resin' over all armor, and to add a last level of protection to the suit.
The plastic will be sanded to a MIRROR SHINE.
All electronics will be attached, tested, and glued in place.

Hopefully everything will go as planned! Keep in mind that this is for next year so there won't be any updates about it for a while, but it's nice to get a plan out in the open.

If this is not the most generic intro post ever...

2010-05-01T20:20:00.001-07:00

Nicholas.
Age 19.
Student. Mostly pretty good with computer programming when actually given a chance to learn a language. Probably ACTUALLY looking into psychology and dabbling in music.

Enthusiast of obscure music.

Plays Magic: The Gathering ~~and will never give up the theory that Akroma is tsundere for Phage.~~

Now that I have your attention because I used a Japanese term you are probably still pretending to understand because you've heard a lot of people use it before, I'd like to inform you that I'll be providing some of the other content for The Everyday Cafe, with such things as... uh, reviews and snark. I'm not really qualified to do anything else, and most of the reviews are sort of like snark in the first place. I'll be dropping a few posts about general minutiae and miscellanea and why I don't much care for most things you probably do. In short, I'm the grouchy bastard of the group.

As of this writing, which will probably never ever be edited again, I'm currently blasting the album Traced In Air out my speakers while playing Beat Hazard, and between that, swearing at my computer because it keeps breaking down all the time. Now, I'm sure that was the point...

See you guys later. Hopefully you find a review on this site about something you've never heard of.

Like a cozier Silent Hill

2010-05-01T20:06:00.000-07:00

Syd, Nick and I have dabbled in a number of incredibly fruitless projects over the years. (The blame for most of them falls upon me.) In recent months we started talking regularly again, and at some point decided to set up a platform for our ramblings. We've never met in real life; we just like to talk.

As for me, I'm a university student in Peru. My interest in video games confuses people. There's some very weird cultural systems at work here, especially when it comes to piracy, and I plan to do a little gonzo journalism (hah) when I can. I'll mostly be talking about video games, because it's one of the few things I could confidently say I know a thing or two about.

See you around.

Hello Hello

2010-05-01T19:34:00.000-07:00

I'm Syd. I'm a Graphic Designer who dabbles in Music, Modeling, and Dance. I like to write and play video games, often at the same time. They usually end up as musings on the relationships between games and art. Which gives us our content!

In essence, I'm kind of a fashionable nerd, or so I like to think.

I build Gundam Model Kits and Cosplay too.

The Everyday Cafe? It's the place where we feel most at home and shoot the breeze with whatever we wish. I guess that's games and art! Which is something.