Let's dance, boys.

Bayonetta

Developer: Team Little Angels [Platinum Games]

Publisher: SEGA

Genre: Action

Platform: XBox 360, PlayStation 3

Rating: 5 / 5 [PURE PLATINUM]

Bayonetta is a game of ecstatic excess. Pumping bullets from heel-mounted, lilac handguns at colossal angels with exquisite rococo-style carvings while standing on a rocketing missile, then finishing the battle by invoking the hellhound Gomorrah to drag the enemy down to Hell--piecemeal--is what it's about. While other, extremely well-established franchises are taking a look at their basic mechanics and trimming the fat (to mixed responses), Bayonetta, a new IP from the indomitable imagination of Hideki Kamiya, makes sure to establish a solid base (a fluid, intensely satisfying battle system) and build a cathedral-crystal-palace-coliseum-department store on top.

I don't really know what Kamiya's intentions were with the story, which includes time travel and the world's equilibrium being shattered. Perhaps he was "flinging shit at a wall", as Tim Rogers aptly put it when reviewing Shinji Mikami's brainchild, the venerable God Hand. Back in January, Lisa Foiles argued that the game may be "too serious" to function within the unabashedly campy ambiance that it created, but I disagree. Just like every other aesthetic element in Bayonetta, including Elena Noguerra's sighs-abound rendition of "Fly Me to the Moon" and the uplifting ecclesiastical pieces reserved for boss battles, all the dialogue and exposition can be taken with a grain of salt or with utmost gravitas, if that's your kind of thing.

Bayonetta follows the development of the titular [hehe, tits] protagonist, as sealed memories return and her origin, purpose and the truth about the "Eyes of the World" are unveiled. In all frankness, Bayonetta is the force that the game's universe orbits around. Secondary characters uncover various facets of her; Enzo and Rodin help us put her power into perspective, Jeanne allows her humanity to blossom (and provides obligatory lesbian overtones), and Cerezita is the catalyst for some incredibly sweet moments. Despite being in a leather-bound, underworld-disco suit, sporting a beehive hairdo with spirit tags woven in, and being roughly seven feet tall, Bayonetta is the most convincing mother figure I've seen in a video game since Miranda in Grandia III. (And that's just about the only nice thing I can say about Grandia III.)

Bayonetta is really a fascinating character; I could talk about her as much, or more, than I could talk about her game. Video games have passed down a number of endearing traditions when it comes to sexualizing women; Japan is fond of innocence interrupted (via peeping tom in the hot springs or gratuitous panty-shots), while America has given us serious strippers: women who are, in theory, held to the same standards as men, but lounge around in chainmail brassieres and curvaceous space suits. (I am reminded of God of War, when the Oracle conveys very serious information to Kratos... while topless.) Bayonetta takes a third option, giving you her sexuality on a silver platter. Through her butterfly double-jumping and skyscraper-throwing, Bayonetta reclaims what the Boss [Metal Gear Solid 3] couldn't, and what Gears of War 3's upcoming female character probably won't, either: the notion that women don't have to sacrifice their femininity to be competent.

And this is why, while some girl gamerz were huffing and puffing over Bayonetta's polished ass being plastered all over their favorite video game websites, the game is really the ultimate kiss-and-bitchslap to Eastern and Western nerd culture. Bayonetta's extraneous proportions already place her outside the realm of Standard Sexy. (This hasn't stopped Playboy from a--probably NSFW--misguided attempt at capitalizing on the character.) That doesn't mean she's not intimidating. She will provoke you whether you want her to or not. She cannot be corrupted like a prepubescent anime girl can, nor is she trying too hard, like the rough-and-tumble tomboy who is ultimately bested by the male protagonist.

Bayonetta is not only an incredibly entertaining game, packed with so much love and attention to detail that eventually you start wondering if every single thing is a reference. It's also a playful, cheeky critique of the portrayal of females in video games. Best of all, it doesn't do this by getting on a high horse and preaching to sexually frustrated teenagers; it revels in the conventions established by the fanbase, and gives them exactly what they want--but remains out of reach. Bayonetta is untouchable; her raw power, ability to sidestep logic whenever convenient, and full awareness (and enjoyment) of her sexuality are what make her one of a kind.

Maybe this is more an appreciative article on Bayonetta the character and what she says about video game females. But my point is: get the game. You'll have tons of fun with the rewarding mechanics, which have naturally evolved from Devil May Cry, and you'll almost certainly laugh out loud right after your jaw drops. And I played the PS3 version! I don't think I can possibly deliver any higher praise than that.

(Okay, how's this? Best game I've played this generation.)