It's like some kind of comedy routine...

Fate/Extra (PSP)
Released November 1, 2011 (US); July 22, 2010 (JP). Developed by Type-Moon/Image Epoch; published by Axsys/Marvelous Entertainment
Genre: JRPG

The most recent (in the US) entry in the expansive and pretty insane Fate/stay night saga, Fate/Extra is a weird, but relatively cool, JRPG that finally got a release in the states about a year and a half after its Japanese release. I got very heavily into F/sn thanks to some of my friends; I do mean these thanks in a genuine way, because it has been rewarding, even if it has had as many "Are you kidding me?" moments as many other series, like Parasite Eve or Persona (the series I find it resembles most closely). So perhaps it would be a good idea to get into the framing devices, the storylines, etc.; be warned that there will be some spoilers ahead for the entire series.

So, basically, there's this thing called the Holy Grail. When you think of that, you probably think of the golden cup similar to that seen in the Monty Python film, or perhaps the Holy Chalice.In this case, as I'm led to understand, it's something more intangible. Wars are fought over it, but not in the traditional "millions get in their sunday best and grab rifles and blast each other's heads off" -- no. It's more like a tournament, at least in this game. Each participant has a Servant, which is basically a living weapon, a humanoid character based off of a historical or mythological figure, which gives them the form of their Servant and its class (of seven: Saber, Archer, Caster, Rider, Lancer, Assassin, or Berserker, as well as a few obscure other classes). Of course, it does kind of fall on its face in some instances.

I outright refuse to believe that this is actually based on Sir Francis Drake.

So, that's the basic premise. You start as a nameless male character with no memories. After a few days of exploring the campus, you are drawn into a strange, digitalized world, which somewhat resembles your school, and into an Arena. You begin to get plot, but you die before you get it all! Thankfully, you're reborn; you're able to choose your character's gender and name this time. This is the character you will always play. Before you do this, of course, you have to choose a Servant. After all, you've been drafted into the Holy Grail War, so you're going to need some way to fight. Squishies like you would be turned into a series of cave paintings or The Binding of Isaac screencaps if you fucked around with the supers unprotected, naturally.

So, which would you trust? (Left to right: Archer (probably the F/sn Archer), Caster (Tamamo-no-Mae), Saber (Roman Emperor Nero))

So, in short, yeah, it's kind of a huge clusterfuck. MOVING ON!

Storyline development: Expansive and modestly engrossing

The storyline I showed above is not much of the story at all, which is absolutely huge and quite daunting. Thankfully, you don't need to know all that much of it to play the game. But it doesn't hurt to be aware of the hacking, the terrorism, the cannibalism, the living dead... Okay, so beyond the fact that there's way too much to take in, one of the reasons why I just couldn't fall head-over-heels for the storyline like I think I was meant to is that it often just seems like a massive torrent of dark things. Kind of like The Binding of Isaac, but with a bit more building-up and depth behind it, on some level. Though, that may just be me. The storyline is not perfectly immersive, but then again, I also feel like I knew some of the characters, especially Shinji (who honestly is like 99% of the males I've gamed with online and offline). Remember, I felt pretty damn close to BioShock.

Gameplay: "A minute to learn, a lifetime to master"

The package called Fate/Extra's battle system "intuitive."

That's an awfully strong word, and not completely without merit, but perhaps not the right descriptor someone who isn't on a company's pay roll is looking for. The battle system is... unique, I guess. Basically, turns are carried out simultaneously between you and the opponent (you only ever face one opponent at a time). You enter a series of six commands from among the three basic commands you have available: Attack, Guard and Break. Sometimes you're also able to use special abilities. Attack moves faster than Break and disrupts it, Break shatters Guard, and Guard blocks attacks while giving you the momentum you need to make a quick counter. If either side gets 3 successful hits in a row, they get an extra attack that can't be prevented.

So, here's what the "elaborate Rock-Paper-Scissors" screen looks like.

In some cases you'll be unable to predict any of the enemy's attacks save by trial and error. However, if you gather enough information on an enemy Servant or fight a generic enemy enough times, you'll be able to predict more and more actions, though more than three predictions can be rare. These patterns can, of course, be rote learned. In a way, the battle system reminds me of latter-day Persona games, in that it's a strategy-heavy battle system, as much as a battle system based on "Attack its weak point for MASSIVE DAMAGE! or get fucked up the ass" is strategy-heavy. This system is where much of the early struggle comes from. It can be hard to get the attack rhythms down without large amounts of enemy data. I have a few beefs with this system, though, since it's screwed me a few times, and pretty hard at that. See below.

The game's level-up system is very nice, in a way. When you level up, your Servant may gain some stats, but for the most part you have to assign other stat points yourself. This is similar to Persona 2 and, if I recall correctly, the Diablo games, allowing you to build your character as you see fit. Just be smart about it; each Servant has some innate characteristics that make him or her (usually her) either good or bad at something specific.

Graphics: Solid as the PSP goes, I'd say

Basically, just look at the screenshot above. This game suffers a bit because of the PSP's screen size, rendering some of the models a little pixelated, but overall, pretty good-looking, about par for course for PS2 titles, at least. Though, my memory of PS2 RPGs is a little foggy at the moment; I remember the PS2 best for the Ratchet and Clank saga, which definitely looked a bit sharper than this. The graphics remind me of Phantasy Star Online, at least in its Blue Burst incarnation, in terms of quality, but a little better.

Music and sound: Better than Eversion's, at least

I decided to start listening to games' music again around the time when I got Persona 2 Portable. It rewarded me a fair amount over time. This game's soundtrack, composed by Shinji Hosoe, is mostly very reserved with relatively quiet instrumentation, mostly saxophone, percussion and keyboard. It has a very calming feeling to it but does, somehow, manage to avoid being boring, although, at times, only just. It's not hugely fun or anything and suffers a serious lack of energy, but I guess it's questionable as to whether or not you think those are flaws. I'd been listening to A Dramatic Turn of Events a lot when I got the game, so take that as you will. That would definitely not be appropriate for this game. Though maybe rearrangements into this style...

Difficulty curve: Looks way more intimidating than it actually is

Don't get me wrong; Fate/Extra is actually a bit tough. Most of that is due to the combat system, though. The combat system ties you up a little here and there, but if you keep building up your character and beating the "target level" the game gives you for each week, you should do basically fine. Sometimes, stats like HP values of bosses, can intimidate, but by doing things correctly and taking notes, it becomes easier and easier as time goes by. Again, like Phantasy Star Online. HP ratings, especially of bosses, were intimidating, especially since your HP was only about a few K max and your weapons probably did no more than 1000 damage, maybe hitting a few sections, fewer if you used firearms. But, if you worked the system (in that case by moving around a lot and modding your equipment to optimize certain stats), you could defeat anything if you tried, and you always got better as you went, especially if you took notes, mental or otherwise. It's always on you, though, to make the game easier for you.

Like the games I've been comparing this to a lot, level grinding can become a chore readily. The experience needs rise quickly, and like in later Persona games, EXP rewards drop. I can understand wanting an anti-grinding method in place, but let's not go overboard here.

But how is it as a member of its genre?

Well, first of all, the fanservice, despite being great in quantity, is somewhat tempered; there's no Vanessa or Harpie Lady Sisters to tip the sca

Oh, right, this is an RPG first and foremost! Right, right, I totally remember that now...

Hm. I guess it's pretty good for the genre? As I think I mentioned before, the battle system is fairly unique, which is great news. The game is rather fun to play with a relatively strong story (I mean, by the standards of the genre) told relatively well (relative, again, to some other entries in the series), which is one of the major parts of the genre. However, it can be intimidating and
unapproachable (except, or perhaps especially, the character designs) at times, with its battle system making it possible for you to outright fail an attack and get killed pretty easily if you don't know what you're doing. Of course there should be some challenge involved with RPG combat, but that is a little excessive. At least in a game like Persona, you can prepare yourself for when you fail to damage an opponent or even outright get damage sent back at you. The strategy-heavy system is cool, yes, and one of the main reasons why I advocate grabbing it, but it does mean that combat often looks to be a very excruciating process. A game that's meant to be hard shouldn't be so hard that I want to give up; rather, it should be just hard enough to make me fail but still encourage me to keep hammering back, like the tougher sections of Crash Bandicoot: Warped. Though this game is really not the Kaizo Mario World of RPGs, the difficulty is perhaps unnecessarily heavy. That aside... the plot is, as I mentioned before, pretty much ridiculous, but isn't that par for course for the genre?

The "magic as programs" thing is an interesting spin, but hasn't it been done already with the MegaMan Battle Network series, in a way? It's not quite the same, no, but in that game, Mega Man used his special attacks (spells, in a way -- that or alternate weapons) though "Battle Chips," special attachments kind of like a fusion of console memory cards and cards for electronic card readers, which transmitted program data to Mega Man to allow him to perform a special attack. So, not so unique. An interesting idea, I guess, but it's been done before (and what I'd call "in the same genre," too!), albeit a bit differently.

Of course, originality isn't all there is to a game, but it is pretty important nowadays. Though, I guess, if people ate up Persona 4 after Persona 3...

The verdict?

3.5/5

Not as engrossing as advertised, but that is a monumentally tall order, anyway. I should note that there is a special edition that exists, which retailed for $40 (versus $30 for the "plain" version) on release. It comes with a soundtrack and a small number of pictures, mostly of this game's playable Saber, some a little on the fanservice-intensive side. My copy of the artbook/soundtrack hardback was a bit misshapen, so it's not the greatest. But spring for it if you want the artwork and soundtrack! It's not going to bring my grade down.

Cover image, screenshot, three-servant artwork found on Wikipedia. Rider/Francis Drake artwork found on Type-Moon Wiki. Vanessa image found on someone's Photobucket account. Harpie Lady Sisters image found on Yu-Gi-Oh Wiki.

PRESS EVERSE BUTTON TO LEARN HOW TO USE A SPELL CHECK!

Eversion (PC)
Released December 29, 2008 by Zaratustra Productions
Genre: Platformer, horror (sorta)

If you believe everything the Internet tells you, as statistics posted on the Internet indicate that about 107% of Americans do and "There are other countries?"% of people from other countries do, it's pretty likely that you know Eversion inside and out without ever having played a second of it, and you probably have been led to believe that it's the best, most Lovecraftian, most terrifying-despite-looking-like-it-was-made-for-children game out there, particularly in the platforming genre.

Well, not quite, but you're on the right track, I guess.

Facts about Eversion: Eversion is a horror-ish platformer for the PC released in late 2008 made by a fella named Guilherme S. Tows (according to the Steam application) for a company named Zaratustra Productions (according to Zaratustra's web site). It's a fun game sure to give you hours of enjoyment, at least going one way. The game was inspired by a quotation, at least, by Lovecraft, which, I guess, is more than most folks know of the man's work, which probably extends no farther than throwing the word "Cthulhu" around as a name describing a particular class of squid-faced horror (think "Mindflayer appearance, Godzilla stature"). In that respect, I have to give the creators credit. It makes a game that's actually pretty cool to watch and read about, and not because it becomes surprisingly gory for something with such a cutesy outward appearance. It is actually a legitimately cool concept! Once. It's kind of like how "Persona 4.5" would probably be ever-lovin' terrible. Not to make predictions about the new updated rerelease of that game.

Basically, the game plays like an old-timey eight-bit platformer. You play a flower-like creature in a cheery, colorful world and you have to collect gems and save a princess. At times, though, your progress will be impeded. To get ahead, you'll have to "evert" (or "everse," according to the incorrect original version) to a different layer. Doing this will modify what you can and can't go through, how you interact with blocks, and what can hurt you. The game uses two world numbers, then, to tell which of the eight layers you're on and what level you are in.

The dual level number in action. Left is before everting, right is after.

Soon enough, though, things start to get... weird. Which is quite appropriate, because "to evert" means to turn something inside-out. The cheerful world was just a lie and eventually you can see strings holding up the clouds, the hills growing hellish mouths, etc. Basically, unsettling things rather than outright horror. Though, I've played a fair few horror games, so maybe I'm just numb to shit like that. At least the scares aren't cheap, mostly. You get a few new traps over time, too, like giant hands that make Sonic Screwdriver noises and walls of shoddy, monochrome special effects.

I don't even want to know what's going on here.

At the end, you, the flowery protagonist, save the princess. Except not. In every ending, you fail, in some way, to save the princess. Yeah, that's it. It's not that hopeless, though.

Now, to the more subjective parts:

Storyline Development: Miniscule

This is the story: You're a flower. You have a princess to save. The world gets creepier and creepier as you go. The spoilers could fit in that much space. You aren't playing this for it's gripping, Pulitzer Prize-ready storyline.

Gameplay: Very solid

The controls are simple but effective: arrow keys move you and let you jump, space bar everts. Very easy, and the controls are basically more than responsive enough that, if something goes awry in your character's movement, it's probably your fault. I do have a few errors with hit detection in some cases; for instance, at the end-of-level flag, it is possible to jump over it entirely and not clear a level until you go back and actually touch it. Usually, this is not a problem, but in the "wall of black stuff level" which I screencapped above, and a similar level later, you can get killed if you're slow enough. This is possibly not a legitimate error, but it is still very irritating. It can also be hard to get through thin gaps in floors and ceilings, often slowing down your progress, as in the second "wall o' shit" level. It's artificial difficulty, really.

Music and sound: Excruciatingly acceptable!

Make no mistake: I don't really like most 8-bit music, and I certainly will not give bonus points to someone for making an 8-bit tune when something that doesn't sound like Mr. Game and Watch threw up a game of NetHack on a Game Boy Pocket would not only have been quite possible to make, but would have sounded better. Thankfully, though, at least in the Steam version, Eversion's music, composed by Matthew Steele and Miroslav Malesevic, includes some legitimate instrumentation in between its beeps and boops. I can't fault the music for usually at least trying to create a disturbing atmosphere. As for the sound effects, they're not too bad, but aren't very memorable. The sounds associated with the hands are a bit worthy of mention, though -- they're a bit on the unsettling side the first time, but later just become comical.

Graphics: I'll give them these

Though the Steam version boasts enhanced graphics with, in my opinion, way better backgrounds, it changes the effect the old graphics had of a cutesy, 8-bit, 2D platformer with horrifying secrets. The newer foreground graphics are alright, but a lot of them just feel like someone chucked them together with MS paint and added a little shading later. You could do worse, especially for something that looks unambitious, but it just doesn't feel the same. Also, the wall traps and the blood explosions are monochrome and use very intense colors, too -- they look extremely out of place with everything else. But it looks decent, for a game of its type.

Difficulty curve: Decently fair

While the game is pretty tough sometimes, it's generally very fair and increases its difficulty at a perfectly reasonable rate, particularly if you just take your brain out of the dusty old box you keep it in when you're not using it. The last level, though, can be balls hard, and the level before it requires a good bit of memorizing. So, it can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but it's nothing you can't handle, probably.

But how is it as a member of its genre?

As far as platforming games go, Eversion is a fun, relatively rewarding experience that doesn't bring anything new to the table, and probably wouldn't if it even could, but at least tries to put a unique spin on the old, venerable genre. A nice thing about this game is that the two "fixed scrolling" segments in this game really aren't, and considering how slowly they move, that's definitely very good. It would be nice to see that in other platformers, but since it's strictly horizontal in this case, I guess it's doubtful that that'll happen in the new Yoshi's Island anytime soon. So, that's out of the way, but what about the horror aspects? The game doesn't live up very well to the Lovecraftian horror hype to the extent that I'd prefer, but it can't be helped. The game does have it as an atmospheric element, but that pretty much seems to be all, unless that ending is supposed to remind of e.g. the film Dagon (hopefully this doesn't spoil anything, but I don't think most of my reader base has seen Dagon). The blood explosions that I mentioned earlier are so excessive and miscolored that it is perhaps a parody on the overuse of such blood-and-bleeding tropes in horror. The game doesn't remain scary for long after the first play, sadly, and the game does have a sequence of massively cheap shock scares in the start-of-level screens toward the end of the game. It's a cheap trick and it wouldn't endear me to the genre if this was my first horror themed game.

The verdict?

Steam/HD version: 3.5/5
Non-HD version: 3/5

I haven't had a chance to play the other games from the competition that spawned Eversion, like the white chamber, but they are on my list. I'll get to those later. As it stands, though, Eversion is a relatively solid title for an indie game that, to be frank, didn't live up to its intent. I can understand way too well why this is so beloved by folks on the internet, the same folks who love Persona 4 to death and read only Medaka Box.

Buy it on Steam! It's only $5.
For reference, my crappy Steam recommendation.

"Appalling" just isn't strong enough.

Rammstein - Liebe ist fuer alle da

Release: October 16, 2009
Genre: Neue Deutche Härte
Label: Universal Records, Vagrant Records
Length: 46:07

Nick's Rating: 2/5


Earlier today, I was listening to Emerson, Lake & Palmer's Black Moon, wondering why "Paper Blood" from that album and "Knife Edge," its obvious ancestor, from their self-titled, didn't get covered by many bands. Then I found a cover of "Knife Edge" by a doom-metal band and learned why. The use of doom tones and death metal vocals killed the whole thing. Bands like Dream Theater seem like they could really make it come to life. Or maybe Lyriel. I'd suggest Nightwish, but no. Lyriel could probably handle that better. They do use legitimate stringed instruments and not Disney-inflected keyboards. I kind of thought about the idea of the song in the hands of Rammstein, then, who might be able to pull it off with a little more temperance in the vocals. You know things are bad when you think of Till Lindemann as the more tempered, refined, restrained, etc. voice of two voices.

So, uh, Liebe ist fuer alle da. Except for this album.

So, I guess I'll get right down to it. Two out of five is more than enough for this album. If this were a proportion of songs I like vs. songs I don't, that'd be a massive overestimate. Okay, not really massive, but you get the idea. This album sucks out loud (please wait to shoot me until after the review).

I think I'll tackle this in list form, since it'll be more fun that way. The appropriate place to start is with #1, which brings us straight to almost the end of the album.

My favorite song on this record is "Mehr" -- those playing the home game may recognize this as being German (no shit!) for "More." I dunno what the lyrics mean or have to do with anything, and don't really have it in me to look up what they say or what they mean. I think it's generally the arrangement and vocals on this song that make it enjoyable for me -- after having spend much of the album, and even my favorite songs, comparatively monotone, Till proves that he does actually have some vocal range in him! A tiny, insignificant amount of vocal range! Isn't it a cute little vocal range? As far as the rest, the song is drenched in keyboards, and very obvious keyboards at that, harking back to earlier albums a little, albeit not entirely (because, of course, that would be REGRESSIVE and that's not cool for a band like Rammstein -- I consider them "stealth prog," or I would had I not just made up that term right now). Is Till showing some emotion in the song's lyrics? Maybe he's just trolling us. Rammstein seem like the closest thing to a band of trolls in some time while (probably) not actually being one.

Really, it's the two (to my ears, which are pretty shoddy, I guess, probably from listening to this album too much in headphones -- it is mastered loud, which makes sense, but it's just painful) most-keyboard-heavy tracks are my favorites, because, while you can accuse the rhythms of "Haifisch" of being too poppy, it does have a sound that reminds me more of my childhood glimpses of Rammstein (which I may or may not have described in my review of Porcelain and the Tramps' quasi-real EP: English, if I recall correctly, and imported in the era of Nine Inch Nails and Marilyn Manson), which is food enough as far as I'm concerned. "Haifisch" means "Shark" in German. The lyrics basically state, if I recall correctly (the chorus, anyway; the verses are just a bit odd and slightly posturing-focused), that even sharks cry, but nobody notices this because they live in the water (and I think that the rest says something about this being where the salt in the ocean comes from). Another fun note: those chorus lyrics are based on the lyrics to "The Ballad of Mack the Knife" from The Threepenny Opera! No, really! I think this makes Rammstein's lyrics more "Brechtian" than the Dresden Dolls', but I'm not much of a Brecht expert, so I don't know worth a crap. I should try explaining this to my mother, who once described "Du hast" as resembling "a wedding march for the Third Reich," but I'm not sure what she'd say. I would call this somewhat intelligent in its own way (with a fair bit of bullshit philosophy thrown in for good measure), even if it's not to the point of borrowing from writers/etc. like Ayn Rand. In fact, let's not have them do Rand; Rammstein honestly don't need more shit piled on them after the infamous "music to invade Poland to" jab and everything else.

So, on the rockier side, there's "Waidmanns Heil" and the title track to cover that. Despite how overly energetic and noisy the former is, it's actually one of the less noise-encrusted rockers on this album, which is pretty depressing. Just so we're clear, I'm okay with noise music sometimes. However, it doesn't fit in Rammstein's Œuvre very well, as in songs like "B********" -- which apparently means "Buckstabu," some made-up word by the band, which is the first step to turning into a shittier version of Magma.

To be fair, this may be an improvement.

But, anyway. The title track is more stropped-down and a lot less noisy, but still loud and, now that I think about it, also with a fair bit of keyboard to it and is just generally very catchy, something that every other song on here lacks, because most of that is buried in noise out the ass. Which is unfortunate, because most of them could probably be rearranged into something slightly decent if they weren't plagued by so much horrific crap.

I guess, besides those, there's only one notable track, that being called "Pussy." That should already bring up red flags. The song had a pornographic video released for it and featured perhaps easily the bands raunchiest, least subtle, and dumbest lyrics ever. Is this a parody or something? I was always led to believe that parody needed to be a little smart.

I guess "Ich tu dir weh" is a little important, too, but it's not a very good song. I like the single cover, though.

So, in the end, that's four decent songs, one that's a TRUE piece of shit, and six that are so shoddily produced that I can't tell if they're good. Even the four I like don't really stack up among Rammstein's best. But when that list includes songs like "Sonne," "Moskau," "Spring," "Der Meister," and "Spiel mit mir," how can they? In my very first review of this, never published, written aroung the time of the relieas,e I'd suggested, jokingly, that listeners invest instead of Love Is All Around, an LP by War recorded in the late 60s and featuring Eric Burdon on lead vocals. Now that I get a chance to really think about it, I was being completely serious then. By the way, at the time of the release it was somewhat common to compare the album to Mutter. That's complete bullshit. Even though Mutter took the longest time for me to get to like, I can absolutely recognize that album as great, and having a very different sound from, this abomination -- it has quality, where this... doesn't. To say the very least. What's worse is hwo this album seems to get really good reviews. This thing is almost more overrated than Skyrim!

Lastly, here's a picture of a singer whose band released a way better album in the same way that was, by an "amusing" coincidence, that band's worst album ever, too.

You could have spent the time reading this review listening to "The Glass Prison."

To be honest, it actually feels good to be wrong.

King Crimson - The Power to Believe

Release: 2003
Genre: Progressive rock, things that kill Nick's faith in modern music
Label: Sanctuary Records
Length: 51:11

Nick's Rating: 3/5

I had a really shitty day today when I wrote this... so I ask in advance that you all please excuse me if I'm being more of a jackass than usual. But really, now. I'm a fan of King Crimson, too, and this album just makes me want to bash my head into a bank vault's door.

I am a big fan, by the way, of the reviews of George Starostin. In the old version of his site, he had separate little pages for every band whose music he reviewed. Each would have a series of some albums marked with headers like "Best album ever," or "Most underrated album." If he had it, surely The Power to Believe would get King Crimson's "Most overrated album" title. I don't get how this album can be called a massive slam dunk when The ConstruKction of Light gets shit upon relentlessly. They. Are. The. Same. Fucking. ALBUM! About the only difference is that Power is significantly more confident. Better quality, though? Not on your life.

Let me immediately sort out every unnecessary song from this album. "The Power to Believe I" is a throwaway, as is the "Facts of Life Intro" that is indexed as a separate track on what remains of my copy (I sold it back to the used shop I bought it from, just so you know, I was that fucking disappointed in it -- but I still have the MP3 rip because the album sports some nice tunes.). Worthless throwaway, too. "Power I" is pleasant enough, I guess, but it's not something you'll come back to. "Eyes Wide Open" fares much better... but I wouldn't notice it if it were gone. It's an attempt to milk the beauty of "Walking On Air" from THRAK for all it's worth.

Next on the chopping block: "Happy With What you Have to Be Happy With" -- fun, yes. Fun once. After that it's the musical equivalent of a child saying "Are we there yet?" every three seconds in the car. Is it a parody on nu-metal? It sure is awful enough for it. But, parody or not, this is way too repetitive for the Crim I know. Even then, why? What does this band need a nu-metal parody for? Is Robert Fripp that jealous that he doesn't get radio airplay that he needs to resort to smarmy quasi-fuck-the-man posturing? I guess there's a reasonable amount of power to it, but with the sound of the album, replete with near brickwalled masters and electronic drums, of course there's power. Everything has power (or at least faux-power), even "EleKtrik"'s flute opener.

"EleKtrik," by the way, is a good song. Saving grace of the album? Hell no. This eight minute instrumental juggernaut does not leap out and grab you, unless it's to drag you to the skip button. At least, the first few times. The reason for this is a mix of the Two Ps of why early-2000s Crim suck so much -- Production and Pat (Mastelotto, the lone drummer for King Crimson as of their ConstruKction-era reconstruKction). The production, like many modern albums, is such that you could commit a war crime with the contents of the disc. It's yet another hapless victim of the "loudness war," albeit not on level to fight with Vapor Trails or similar. However, it makes the already crappy-sounding electronic drums sound even crappier. Pat Mastelotto, credited with "drums, traps and buttons" played basically just these. I guess the traps and buttons are like vampires and bit the drums somewhere along the way, turning them into more crappy electronics to invade all of the songs that didn't already have non-electronic drums. I have nothing against electronic drums. I'm a big fan, for instance, of Kraftwerk, Rammstein, and Depeche Mode, all of whom use electronic drums extensively. The difference is, they make them sound good because they mesh with the band's sound. They don't mesh with King Crimson, though, so they sound hopelessly out of place and drag the album down.

"EleKtrik," though, is still a good song. It's very well-arranged, which is about all you need out of King Crimson. Well-performed? That goes without saying. Even on a bad day, King Crimson can outplay 99% of bands if all they had to play with were their big toes. "Facts of Life" is easily the best of the vocal songs, but the lyrics do tend to err on the dippy side. "Six billion ants / crawling on a plate / none of the them give back / as much as they take?" Ixnay on the Ooltay, guys. If I wanted crappy post-grunge quasi-punk teenager-friendly "social commentary," I'd listen to bands who actively specialize in it. Mostly facts, indeed, of life, though, so I can't knock them for possibly passing off bullshit as truth to the gullible. Someone said the arrangement is bluesy? My experience with the blues is a little limited, but if you put Pat Mastelotto into a box somewhere far away and let him not play electronic drums, I might give it to you (after you replace the drummer, that is. I hear Vinnie Colaiuta is busy recording an only half-decent album for Megadeth ca. this time. Sic 'em, boys!). Still a cool song despite the sheer sonic ugliness.

"Dangerous Curves," then. Interesting. A high-tension, electronic, dark instrumental with a great buildup. It doesn't go much of anywhere, but who cares anymore? The song is definitely good, and going nowhere seems to be customary for a lot of King Crimson extended dick-arounds. Is it my favorite song on this album? Uh, I'd rather you didn't ask that. That would require me to actually think about this more, and probably go find the used record shop where I sold the album and re-buy it again. It would probably still be there, too. Even if the store had been demolished two years ago. Look up at the cover art: would you want people to know you bought something that looked like that?

So, final count: Three good songs (all long), three pieces of pointless shit (all short), and a lot of middleground (longer). Even if this album were unequivocally bad in terms of arrangement and production, it's King Crimson. It's still pretty good. But it's not worthy of the praise piled onto it by some of the fanbase. It'd make an okay addition to one's CD collection and is an interesting curio. It's not worth the $16 that it's being sold for on the band's site. For a dollar more you can get the far superior Absent Lovers (a 2CD live album from 1984) and get your Fripp/Belew fix. And really, I think I'd be least distressed by the existence of a Steven Wilson-remastered version of this album.

I seem to have gotten off-track, but. Buy it used, I guess.

The worst part is that it took me three years to form a solid opinion on this.

Metallica - Death Magnetic

Release: September 12, 2008
Genre: Thrash metal
Label: Warner Bros. Records
Length: 74:48

Nick's Rating: 3/5

It's hard to believe that this record is this good if all you do is listen to cranky metalheads who lament about selling out and just generally hate on Metallica for doing it so often, as if they're implying that popular music is bad. It doesn't surprise me that they believe this way, considering how they seem to make a contest of listening to the hardest-to-listen-to song. But why are we hating on Metallica for releasing a "throwback" record? You'd get more accomplished by giving Hosni Mubarak grief for stepping down as President of Egypt. Fans had been clamoring for a return to thrash for years!

Well, to say it's a complete return to thrash is bullshit. The album is far too heavily informed by alternative rock and, at times, nu-metal (gag! vomit!) to be a real return to the thrash of yore... but at the same time thrash fans pretend it has no worthwhile musical ideas. Nonsense! The album is actually not half bad, as far as the arrangements and performances go. Another thing entirely, though, is the production; this album sounds like a cat turd after being digested by a dog. It's really not all the fault of Rick Rubin, who finally produced a Metallica album after producing at least one album by every other band ever; by some reports, the tapes arrived to sound engineer Ted Jensen brickwalled already. Translation: recorded too loud. Sounds like shit and would have sounded like shit anyway without some serious work, the kind of thing that Rick Rubin doesn't seem capable of, going by the sheer dryness of his Red Hot Chili Peppers productions.

So, what are the good songs? "That Was Just Your Life," "All Nightmare Long," and "Cyanide" are the obvious ones. "That Was Just Your Life" is fast and strong, complete with slow-moving intro like the band's other album-opening thrash masterpieces, although it is significantly slower in pace than songs like "Battery" or even "Blackened." It still is pretty quick with nice riffs, and features lead singer James Hetfield singing fast. Maybe this is borrowing a little from nu-metal and trying to resemble rapping? Although it's not quite there... which is part of why I can look at this as not being complete ham. Sure, it is hammy, but it's sung by James Hetfield. Of course there's going to be some ham, especially post-...And Justice for All.

"All Nightmare Long," then, is quite similar arrangement, but much different in vocal style (much slower with the words actually being enunciated!) and with, in my opinion, more interesting riffs. Right at the beginning: bass. Heavy bass. So much for this being a successor to Justice. Either that or the Metallica guys have gotten older and more mellow with age and don't feel like fucking with Robert Trujillo, the band's new bassist. So, the intro excites me for pointless reasons, but it does introduce a very cool theme that doesn't get reused as much as it should in the song. The riffs in the vicinity of the chorus remind me of battle music or something -- pretty appropriate, then. The lyrics don't make sense, but this is Metallica, they don't need to make sense. They make the Beatles' "Savoy Truffle" look not-silly and about something resembling a weighty philosophical topic by comparison. I'm still wondering how "zombie apocalypse" became the theme for the video, then. Joke must be on us.

"Cyanide" is different. Cyanide is legitimately catchy, one of the shortest numbers on the record, based around actual hooks. It even feels like they were thinking about funk during initial writing (eventually probably just said "funk it," though). The lyrics are trite, though, unsurprisingly. I guess it has something to do with depression and being near suicide? Metallica aren't good with this subject. Shock, I know. You could get more interesting lyrics from a sleepng garbageman. But I'll take it over generic death-growl crap any day. Like I said, the riff is an excellent one. Probably comes alive in concerts nicely. I should note, though, that I really hated the song at the time of release, so tread lightly.

But what else is left? None of the rest is that interesting... but I can't say I hate any of it, save "The Judas Kiss." Did any ideas go into this song at all? Because, if so, I cannot find them. At all. At... all... Add to this that it drags on for eight minutes and is totally forgettable in every way, and you have good cause to be deeply disappointed in this gilded turd. I guess that "Suicide & Redemption" isn't too great, either, but in the end it qualifies, even if it drags on forever.

The rest? Average all over. "The Day That Never Comes," a "One" knockoff, would probably have been better had it not been run into the fucking ground by radio before the album's release. Not to mention, the guitar solo seems to really drag on. The lyrics are a tad lame, though. "Love is a our-letter word?" Very clever, Little Jimmy. This may be why people say your songwriting sucks.

"Day" is eight minutes long. There, we've found the main problem that's not the abominable production -- the length! Every song needs to have a few minutes cut off. We get it, Kirk Hammett is a good guitarist. But really, now, there is a limit. A good guitarist knows when he's broken it. Unless he's Kirk Hammett, apparently. The album is just too bloated to be called anything other than average-good. End of story.

Kill me now.

Lyriel - Paranoid Circus

Release: 2010
April 1, 2011 (re-release)
Genre: Female-fronted folk/symphonic metal
Label: AFM Records (re-release)
Length:

Nick's Rating: 3.5/5

For those of you following my "project," consider the Cage the Elephant review a Monday post and this a Tuesday post.

So, for my second review this week... I chose this. Quite the departure from Cage the Elephant, huh? (And why not? They say variety is the spice of life.) Compared to that album's hard-edged alternative rock, Lyriel's Paranoid Circus is a series of metal songs that I... suppose are folk metal? That's what I'm told, anyway, but I don't know what that means. I guess it would be a struggle to turn "Electric Light Orchestra and a carnival's metal-ish third wheel" into a real genre name. But there you are. Lyriel, to me, share more in common with carny-rock acts like Vermillion Lies, Rasputina, or, God forbid, Emilie Autumn than they do with... Sol Invictus, or something. (Not like The Dresden Dolls, though, who are too Hot Topic-ready to really be carnies, if you get what I'm saying.)

Though, at the same time, what's in a genre or even an artist comparison? Someone posted a comment on the title track's video calling them out (I assume it was a call-out) for being like Nightwish. I don't see it. I guess if your band is metal and you have a lead singer with no Y chromosome and even think about string instruments that aren't guitar or bass, you're like Nightwish. (If you think about bass, though, you're a pussy for not mixing it out and making your music ear-ravaging.) Of course, this is stated with derision. Which is utter bullshit. I'm a bit cold toward Nightwish, too, okay? Let's not pretend they're my favorite band. But this comparison is like saying that the Rolling Stones are similar to Vanden Plas because both feature guitars, drums, bass, and a male lead singer. To be sure, Lyriel have a few things in common with Nightwish, but they are not close enough on the genre level to make this a legitimate comparison.

Speaking of the title track of the video and female-fronted "opera metal" (which is a plenty bullshit saying in the same way that saying that Liz Phair's music is meaningful or saying that Liz Phair's music is meaningless is a bullshit saying), I'm honestly surprised that the lesbian fanservice is rather... new to the genre's videos. How was this not thought of before? Was it so the bands could remain goth-friendly by depicting the world as, by and large, claustrophobic and loveless? Which is really what the video does. The sexuality is only minor and uncomfortable, not so much superbly erotic. Slightly sexual, yes, but only enough to briefly distract you from how discomfiting the thought of being captured by two strangers who live in your mirror (which is a severe paranoia-inducer) is. So, uh, it's pretty possible to have something like that, which seems like a natural fit for the genre, and still preserve the goth-friendliness of the music.

Which it has in spades, by the way, but in more of a way of borrowing from The Cure than neo-goth things. There are occasionally thunderous drums and electronically-treated sounds throughout; really, to me, the title track is the most natural song on the album... and definitely my favorite, and not even just for the video. To be fair, this isn't much of a dose of capsaicin compared to most things in the genre, and I guess that it's even pretty low on the Scoville compared to their other material, from what I've read? But I've never heard any of it to verify myself, so I guess skip that for now. There are no great revelations to be found in the music, sure, but this isn't Diablo Swing Orchestra or whoever. As ever, originality is at a premium, in a way. Better that they be unoriginal and unknown, I say.

But really, that is what stops me really caring about this record: the lack of any really original ideas. There isn't much to say about this record that you can't say about another one, and little that it says that another record doesn't say better. There is just not enough to comment on here; nothing stands out anywhere near enough save the title track to save it from being just slightly above average. There is, however, one thing that weighs it down: the beginning track. The first track of the album is an intro, featuring a spoken word welcoming the listener to the Paranoid Circus. Unfortunately, there is little to no need to have this stupid thing in there. So, why is it there? It's not like this is a concept album as far as I can tell, so it's just some kind of dippy joke that's not funny at all. They could have at least tried some kind of Emerson, Lake & Palmer thing. "Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends" could actually be less a goofy intro and more a legitimate threat in the hands of this outfit. I guess bonus points to the the man who narrates for also inserting a Hesse quote in the middle of the album.

But beyond that, so what? The songs are all decent, but not interesting enough to make the album anywhere near great. It's an interesting listen, yes. Many albums are. Could I recommend it? Sure. I'm just not sure I'd be any good at that. It's really kind of a strange album to look at... probably because enough people seem interested in tarring it with epithets like "Nightwish knockoff" because it has female vocals. Yeah, okay, I am sort of saying "the world is not quite ready for this." Well, at least not the metal world, which is still full enough of arrogant elitist scumbags that this will get flak for being something it's not.

How many times can I say "This sounded like a good idea at first..." anyway?

Cage the Elephant - s/t

Release: June 23, 2008 (U.S.)
May 19, 2009 (U.K.)
Genre: Alternative Rock
Label: RED - An Artist Development Company (U.S.)
Relentless Records (U.K.)
Length: 37:53

Nick's Rating: 4/5

Sunday was the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards. I didn't know about this until just the day of (for reasons that should come as no surprise whatsoever). As such, I'll spend the entire week reviewing one album from the 21st Century a day. I decided to start with this one and will probably work my way down in quality as the week goes, which is a pretty accurate reflection of my usual moods; happy at the beginning of the week, full of rage by the end and ready to garrote myself with my own intestines in protest of oh who needs anything to fucking protest when you're that mad at the world that you'd actually come up with something that goddamned wrong. I considered ending the week with a review of Prince's 1999, a significant high water mark in popular music, which turned twenty-eight this year and remains as awesome as it always was... and would take the length of the week for a full-length review of the bloody thing to gel. Ooh-we sha-sha coo-coo yeah!

A quick note before we get anywhere: Americans are fucking insane. If you need more proof, head to the Mall of America and witness the existence of a Bettie Page-related store. That's all. The contents are significantly more "safe" and not really that much related to her, if I recall correctly, but her face and name is associated with the store. There you go. Over time, I've become convinced that some people (especially Americans) will spend money on anything. It's about the only accounting for Lady Gaga's extreme popularity. I have nothing against her as a person (and certainly not the kind of bile I reserve for politicians); she has some great ideas and can write some good songs, but she is by and large mediocre-at-best as far as the Trade goes, chained by the need to create popular music... something designed specifically to be sold. It's a narrow, narrow place that just feeds into American insanity.

Why am I going off on this tangent, when this is about Cage the Elephant's self-titled album? Well, the Bowling Green, Kentucky-based alt-rock band had become significantly popular in America, so I was significantly skeptical about the contents of this disc, but I was pleased to see that the American insanity occasionally produces positive results. Cage the Elephant's self-titled album is like the BioShock of alternative rock; a redemption for a hit-and-miss genre that has endured some serious mediocrity before and after its release. It's not elegant, of course -- savage music for the American neo-savage.

That starts right away from "In One Ear," which was my first exposure to CTE, via the song's first video, showing off lead singer Matthew Shultz acting in a particularly insane way as he sings the song's... truly boisterous lyrics. He lashes back at critics who would talk shit at him about his drug use (which I don't know about), his being "another Generation X-er [that] somehow slipped up through the cracks," et cetera. "I'm only playin' music 'cause you know I fuckin' love it," he sings, and he's definitely got the right idea, then. He suggests that a critic might say rock-and-roll is dead, but the music makes clear that this is a load of shit. The words aren't even needed, and sadly, they don't so much endear me to the band, but it's still a very nice song.

The intensity doesn't let up much throughout the album. Unfortunately, it's just not much fun to talk about the rest of it, but the songs "James Brown" and "Soil to the Sun" are both great, as is, really, the rest of the album. The intensity is reduced on two other popular songs, "Ain't No Rest for the Wicked" and "Back Against the Wall." The former seems to be the most popular song on this album, and why not? It's an entertaining song and not too harsh for the sanitized alternative rock radio airwaves. It's kind of lightweight, in my opinion, with a bit of a Southern sound to it, I guess. The lyrics are more entertaining to me, though, than those on most other songs on the album, while Shultz questions the lifestyles of prostitutes, robbers, and... what I suppose are meant to be televangelists? as they work to make a living. It's presented in a reasonably amusing way, which is just what CTE do: sing entertaining songs in the alternative rock genre. So, a definite success.

"Back Against the Wall," though? Yeah, that's good, too. It's a restrained hard-rock number, a bit different from "No Rest," but also a lot less fun. Give them points, though, for this song; it's absolutely not bad and has every right to be well-known. Good on you all. Boys, I respect what you're doing as I respect Emilie Autumn's attempts to be Rammstein-meets-Tori Amos -- which is to say, I respect it a great deal even when the results are bad (are they bad anywhere on this CD, though?).

The other songs, though, range merely from pretty good to average. The two that really stand out for me are "Tiny Little Robots" -- a strange but very energetic (and noisy!) song. "Lotus," meanwhile, has a very spiritual quality to it, as would be expected of something with that title. It's not at all a bad song, but the one thing that really bugs me about it after a while, is when the music stops when the singer sings the word "Stop." It's cute the first time, but entirely too played out by the second time, and he does it more times. Is that trip really necessary?

But hey! Even with every knuckleheaded detour and every boisterous critic-baiting exercise, and even the forgettable things, Cage the Elephant's first album is a stone-cold success which deserved to sell every single disc it has sold and ever will. Unfortunately, though, a whole genre can't be (re)built on the back of one band; more bands need to take after them to help the ailing genre. Hopefully this album will inspire a few more good bands to pick up their influences and muddle the mixture with some R.E.M./Nirvana/whatever sensibilities and start rescuing this genre from standing on the backs of the bruised and get ti on solid ground. It's a venerable genre that's produced its own fair share of brilliant moments.

I swear, fandom will kill music.

If this title, and anything said in here, sounds really extreme and less-than-sane, please understand -- I am in an exceptionally bad mood right now. Over one of my favorite bands of all time, Queensryche.

But not for the reason you think. It is, though, related to their new album, Dedicated to Chaos. Again, not for the reason you think. By now, you've probably heard everyone pissing and shitting themselves over the fact that the album does not sound like the Queensryche of old. So, in short, here is my two-step advice for people who want to hear Rage for Order or Operation: Mindcrime again.

1. Listen to Rage for Order or Operation: Mindcrime.
   
2. Shut the fuck up and go the fuck away.

Very simple. Your opinions on what a band "should" be doing do not matter, and they never will. A band "should" be doing what they think is best. In this case, the songs on Dedicated to Chaos, which are very different from most everything they've done before. This is not Queensryche as we knew them in 1988. This is a good thing.

Queensryche are a progressive metal band. For those of you who don't know, "progressive" is a word meaning "favoring or promoting progress." In short, something that changes. Stagnation can work for some bands. For a progressive band like Queensryche, it absolutely cannot. Yet the "fans" continue to whine about how much the band has changed and how much they want the old sound back. It's natural. I love Rage for Order and Operation: Mindcrime too, because of what they were: whip-smart, technically accomplished, and not boring. The songs on Dedicated to Chaos are exactly this. So maybe the Rage for Order comparisons are pretty acceptable. "Progressive" metal has stagnated. The Dream Theater school is the big one now -- that or the Opeth school. Both bands have produced and continue to produce great albums, don't get me wrong. But they are not progressive anymore. Nor are they backward-looking enough to be called retro, revivalist, or any of those other words that signify a different kind of progress. Let's call it samsara. Endless death and rebirth. Even this is not stagnation. This is the angle Marillion took in the early 80s. This is an angle few bands are willing to truly take anymore. Even those that don't are usually in the alternative rock genre and they reinform themselves with grunge or Nine Inch Nails-class histrionics. Not quite what we're looking for, but a valiant effort.

Dedicated to Chaos could be the breath of fresh air that progressive metal needs, if people could get off their high horses about what genre X or band Y are "supposed" to sound like. But they won't. And they'll keep puking out whatever words come to mind about what they want, when it's right within reach, and it has been for twenty-five years. To be honest, this reminds me of Metallica's Death Magnetic. Fans who managed to cling to the band for all those years wanted a new album of thrash music after all of the "shit" on Metallica, Load, ReLoad, and St. Anger (many of which were subpar, but due not to the genre but the band themselves). When Death Magnetic finally came out, they were lambasted as has-been sell-outs trying to relive former, out-of-reach glories. What would happen to Queensryche if, say, they tried to record an album in the vein of Rage for Order without being updated for the modern world? They would probably be lambasted as has-been sell-outs trying to relive former, out-of-reach glories.

You can see what the problem here is. The fans don't want anything -- except the exact thing over and over again. In which case, do what I do and listen to the old albums over and over again. Listen to your copy of Rage for Order until it dies. I won't consider you a fan of the band if you're only in it for one album or two. Youre a fan of those albums. You mean well, but so does a preacher. Like preachers, some of you mean well but are doing something truly awful for that which you claim to speak for. Cut the crap. Accept that Queensryche as they are now are not Queensryche as they were in 1988, Queensryche were only that, at latest, until 1990. By then, the band woke up and realized that advancing was what they needed to do.

Before anyone says anything about how Chris DeGarmo would have made the album better, shut the fuck up and learn your 'Ryche history. Know what other albums DeGarmo played on? Hear in the Now Frontier and Tribe, both of which are regarded as polished turds or worse in the fandom. DeGarmo is not the nonexistent "problem" -- it's the stuck-up fans.

Understand, though, that I am not saying this album is as good as Operation: Mindcrime. Little is. But it's at least as good as Promised Land, and produces a sound expansion at least as fertile. And for fuck's sake, that's gotta count for something.

Okay. I'm done now. In short: fuck people.

Maybe I do have really, really not-right taste.

Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Welcome to the Pleasuredome
Release: October 29, 1984 (Original release)
Unknown date 2010 (25th Anniversary special edition)
Genre: New Wave
Label: ZTT Records
Length: 64:04

Nick's Rating: 3.5/5

I started writing this review in a philosophy class. Anyone who's taken a philosophy class knows that, after a point, brain-aches are a common occurrence. However, compared to trying to figure out where I stand on this album, philosophy class is downright therapeutic. This album is incredibly weird, formed of hundreds of heavy layers of a mix of new wave and sonic garbage... slathered precariously over simple backbeats by producer Trevor Horn. This probably looks like an unerringly simple conclusion, but let's be honest here. Welcome to the Pleasuredome is arguably more of a testament to Trevor Horn's skill as a producer than the musicality of Frankie's membership. Its fame is arguably because of its over-the-top nature and its excessive ad campaigns. It's kind of cute and kitschy -- I even wanted to try and find one of those old "FRANKIE SAY RELAX" T-shirts out of nostalgia for this, and I wasn't even alive when the record came out. "Relax" continues to get a lot of airplay and has been heard (in various forms) in many films and commercials for them (e.g. it was in Zoolander, a film I primarily remember because of the presence of a remix of this song in it.).

This album is a lot of fun to listen to, but there are no great revelations, musically or otherwise, contained within, especially if viewed with a modern lens. Arguably, the album has been completely outdated and outshined as an album of dance songs. This is possibly true, on some level. After all, this is a far cry from Daft Punk or whatever else is popular in dance music. Most of the music is, at least, still natural. Don't think of it as you would a dance album, think of it as you would INXS, for example, because that's actually a lot closer to what this album is than what one usually thinks of when thinking of dance music. Somehow, this is a hell of a lot more fun to listen to.

Example: "Welcome to the Pleasuredome," a towering thirteen minutes long, is a dense jungle of only partially-related sounds which basically adds up to a long song with a dance beat and prominent rhythm section throughout. Folded, spindled, and mutilated in places by producer Trevor Horn, I... guess you could dance to it, but more importantly, the song is basically an energetic, complex rock song that shows a lot of skill in hook artifice. Even across that length, the band doesn't permit you to consider that you would want to stop listening. No surprise there, and it's a worthy cause indeed if you're predisposed to INXS. Sadly, the band really can't rock like INXS, nor like Pink Floyd. Why Pink Floyd? That's just the impression I got of some of it; it reminded me of "Echoes," just with more new-wave to it.

The fact remains that, while this album is basically all dance music, there's still a lot of rocking to it. The trouble with it is that most of the songs are not particularly interesting listens (e.g. "The Power of Love"), or are too short to be substantial (Closing "bang..."). A lot of it couldn't exist as it does without the help of producer Trevor Horn who, despite not being officially such, was very much a part of the band. Fortunately, this was in a different capacity to his role during his stint in Yes. Not that Horn has a bad voice or anything, but Holly Johnson's is much better for this music. "Relax (Come Fighting)" is a good place to observe this; Horn makes that one-note bass line huge, turning it into the backbone for a patchwork, albeit still danceable number that has a surprising amount of might. I think a lot of people don't even realize that this is a good song and think only of the controversy the song generated.

To be fair, though, "Relax" is not really the same kind of song that I usually call a good one. All of the complexity of this song, of which there isn't much, is because it seems like Horn was hunced over the tape with a razor and paste. The arrangement is very confusing as a rock song goes, and it would probably be nothing without its hook. It's weird, though... I think it's just the general fun factor that permeates the record, making it an eerily pleasant listen even if you're not big on dance music. It even makes songs that are supposed to not be fun, like the cover of Edwin starr's "War" (ere subtitled "...and Hide") and "Two Tribes (For the Victims of Ravishment)" pleasant listens. In fact, I think the only thing irredeemable about this record is the cover of "Born to Run." However, being as much of a Springsteen fan as I am, this is inevitable, isn't it?

So, as I decide to wrap this up, I came to the conclusion that I've come to basically the same conclusion as the All Music Guide reviewer Ned Raggett did when he reviewed this album. I also was informed again of the presence of some of Ian Dury's backing band and Steve Howe (Yes's on-again-off-again guitar wizard). I didn't think about it as I reviewed the record, but maybe it did have an effect. Hey, anything is possible. I wouldn't recommend this over most INXS records, though. At least, not Listen Like Thieves or Kick. Devo is even better if you want new wave.

Oh, whatever. Just don't get too hung-up on this one. I think it's already too late for me. I reviewed this at all.

It's pretty disappointing that this is the first post of the new year.

Oomph! - Sandmann (Single)
Release: February 27, 2009
Genre: Neue Deutsche Härte
Label: Gun Records
Length: 15:09

Nick's Rating: 4/5

Let me preface this with a few quick things that have probably screwed my rating of this little single up a lot. First of all, I first heard this song in its English incarnation (which, after my first listen of the German original, I could tell was poorly-translated except in the choruses). Secondly, I really like this style of music for some reason -- which I guess is an instant goodbye to my metal cred. Third, there's the matter of the cover art. I really, really like it. It's very vanitas, without being directly so, as if the German semi-industrial-metal act doesn't know what it is. I don't blame them if the don't. I guess it's not proper vanitas, but it reminds me of the style. Huge plus there; vanitas looks really cool.

Well, who gives a damn about the art when it's the music I'm reviewing, right? Art criticism is something I should just leave for the one remaining expert, anyway, and the fact that I can't get much further than "I like vanitas" is proof. The song itself is basically standard fare for the genre. Neue Deutsche Härte, for those who are unaware, is a hard rock (I won't use the term metal here right now, since a lot of others wouldn't, and I don't want to incite their wrath for... whatever reason...) grounded heavily in industrial and electronic music (it's also German for "New German Hardness," but that's just an extra detail). The song is build on a pattern of loud verse-quiet prechorus-loud chorus-repeat with a rather soft, short bridge. It's modestly fast but probably not fast enough to get out of "midtempo." In short, very simple all around, but that's okay. The song is still very good.

I'd be hard-pressed to choose a specific part I liked most... the prechorus is slightly eerie, considering this genre cuts a lot of the spookiness of classic industrial out. There are a few other minor things I like, like the sudden stop at the end of the bridge before bringing us to the sounds from the intro and the last chorus, and how the riff in the chorus seems like it's going to just repeat (just like in Labyrinth), but then suddenly shifts a little just as the singer shuts up. All said, a lot of little things to like. It's a shame this didn't make it to Monster. It's basically supplanted "Labyrinth" as my favorite track from that era, and it's so energetic that it doesn't get old.

The three extra tracks are pretty okay all around, too, but can't hope to live up to the single's title track. The first is a remix thereof, though, by [:SITD:]. I like the way it starts out (taking the prechorus as an intro is damn effective), but without the energy of the original, I find it hard to like. I guess it's an okay dance number, but it just feels lacking. Then again, I think after the tremendous remix of Megaherz's "Liebestoter" that accompanied some releases of their Kopfschuss CD, I've been ruined for remixes of Neue Deutsche Haerte songs, or something. That, or I just don't get dance music of the modern age.

Next is "Auf Kurs," which appeared on Monster. Basically, this whole song is a slow build-up and very not heavy, which is fine. I don't think I'd easily return to it, but it's inoffensive, and sometimes it is nice to hear heavy bands scale back on the heaviness... unless they're X Japan. Sadly, the song is a bit nondescript, but the continuous adding of elements at the chorus is nice. It's done without the hysterics of Rammstein, but whether or not this is beneficial... hm, good question.

The last song on there is "Du lügst," which, I think, was on another single before Sandmann, but that's okay. This is my first time hearing it, and I really like it. It's slower than the title track by a lot and sounds a bit like "Das letzte Streichholz" Version Two, but that's not much of an argument. The bottom end is synth-heavy, which is perfectly fine. Actually, the electronic-ness of this seems to be the real selling point for me, for some reason. If it were more "natural-sounding" (if you catch my meaning), I would probably just dismiss it as too sappy. I really can't understand this very well myself, but I like the song, and it's a good ending song (as slower songs often are), so I'll definitely take it.

It's so disappointing, though, that this single and pretty much the only source of two of these songs (though "Sandmann" itself appeared on a reissue of Monster that I don't have) and the remix, because it's great all around. Singles of anything are hard to find these days. The single, for instance, is not available on US iTunes (then again, though, nothing from pre-2004-era Oomph! appears to be on US iTunes, either), and I have never seen it in stores. It's not surprising that it can't be found; Oomph!, and Neue Deutche Härte in general, were not that big in the U.S. -- which is no surprised. Translating lyrics from German to English doesn't often work out very well, and it wouldn't sell very well in German. We learned that with Kraftwerk (or at least the first part). It was by sheer luck that I got my copy of the single. I guess that just can't be helped.